Sometimes I pop in here just to re-read the incredibly silly things I've written and --- yes --- as this blog is Google-powered, I actually have the power to see the traffic stats. So yes, I know that YOU are reading this, most likely for the obvious reason: you want to know if Jason Segel is married or if there is a surefire way to marry him.
As of press time (haha) he is not (married, that is). As of his recent press release, he does not even have a personal life, which can be deliriously translated as, "I do not have a girlfriend". As per his recent interviews, he works seven days a week and should he have time not to work, he might spend it on the essentials of being alive which include eating and sleeping (or paying a visit to this particular "station" in his man-cave).
Apparently, he does not have time to see anyone nor maybe even "like" a girl in a high school-crush kind of way in which he ends up shuffling his feet behind this lucky woman, scratching his head, and eventually asking, "So, what are you doing Friday night?"
But as we are not in his life, what do we know. Showbiz has tons of conspiracy. Look at Kim Kardashian. She managed to pull off a legal wedding with legit pay-offs. What's with telling people "I'm single" and still live a double life? I mean, last night there was this entertainment show (Insider? I can't remember) which "exploded" the "headline" that Robert Pattinson and Kirsten Stewart-or-Stuart-whatever might have "secretly" married, which, of course, gave way to a (stupid) Twilight promo that merely features the Bella-Edward wedding scene. I mean, come on. If Shakespeare managed to secretly keep a wife (from Gwyneth Paltrow in Shakespeare in Love, haha!), Jason Segel can do that as well!
Kinda strange I am writing this in a blog dedicated to the "how-to" of marrying a celebrity, huh. Obviously I am pissed at something not Jason Segel-related and I am just being my insane self.
See, conspiracies.
Maybe this has something to do with my seeing The Invention of Lying last night on HBO. The concept was terrific, it just felt dry overall but I generally liked it. Lying is a necessity, you need to understand. So if we adore Jason Segel, we just like the idea that he is not married. It's for the good of his celebrity. We are buying into the illusion that we can have that.
So. The question remains. Is Jason Segel dating someone? Does he have a girlfriend? Did he shag someone last night, last Friday night, that moment when Berlusconi resigned from power?
The answer is --- to quote Shakespeare in Love --- "I don't know, it's a mystery."
I would give anything to marry him.
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