How to Sleep With Jason Segel

I can't help it.  I am going to have to spill the beans and let this out.  I am online and there are things I gotta share.

I have just found out that a certain search query led to this blog: how to sleep with Jason Segel.

As I have claimed the Blogger blog title "How toMarry Jason Segel" (which turns out to be a regular query for this blog traffic --- ooh, I have fans?), maybe a primer on "How to Sleep With Jason Segel" is in order.

So let us do this.  How do you sleep with The Jason Segel?

1. Come up with a Jason Segel Seduction Plan.  Maybe you can try bribing? (not him)
2. Lure Jason Segel into a feasible space where you can "sleep with" him.  Decide whether the feasibility is horizontal, vertical, diagonal, etc.
3. Wear your birthday suit --- the one you wore last year.
4. Make sure he wears his too; it would be way nicer if he suits up though, of course.  Remember Barney Stinson's suit pajamas? I'm kidding.
5. If you do not know what happens next, I suggest you pick up a nice copy of an "intellectual" or DIY "erotic" book before Step One: The Joy of Sex for the classics, Anais Nin's Delta of Venus if you feel like a literary snob.  No, I haven't read The Joy of Sex but I remember that book from a Doogie Howser M.D. episode, the one where Doogie and Wanda are planning to do the deed.  As for Delta of Venus, yes, I have read that one --- during those early years I was a horny literary snob.
6. Ask for his number.
  6a. If Jason Segel gives you his number, good jab!  I mean, good job!
  6b. If Jason Segel does not give you his number, tell him you know a lawyer called Harvey.
7. Give your number to Jason Segel.
  7a. If he accepts your number, tell him, "Call me!"
  7b. If he does not accept your number and you fall under 6a, tell him, "I'll call you mwahahaha"
  7c. If he does not accept your number and you fall under 6b, tell him, "I know Harvey and that girl Justin Bieber got pregnant, mwahahahaha"
8. Leave me a message; I will either:
  8a. Congratulate you
  8b. Hunt you down
  8c. Haunt you down

Now you know how to sleep with Jason Segel.  How to meet him --- well, it's OUR problem!

Have an incredible Valentine's Week, you saucy minxeses.