How I Could Have Met Jason Segel

So let me tell you how it is.  It's almost midnight and I am munching on a "small" Snickers bar.  I like Snickers, but not as much I love Mars bars.  See, I like almonds.  But there are Snicker days and there are Mars days.  Sometimes  you gotta snicker than go out of this world.

Prior to having my Snicker moment I parked the car in the basement parking of my apartment building.  Before I managed to enter the gates, there was another car that was posed before the electronic fence.  And then the moment I managed to get the car into its slot, another came in.  So I thought, maybe I would find the answers in these really coincidental incidents.  Maybe the answer is either in these cars.

I am a sucker for symbolic shit, you see.

The answers I was looking for has been set in me since I was fifteen, and since I do not lie about my age the search has been with me for seventeen years.  Wow.  Seventeen years.  That's somebody's lifetime.  People lose their virginities before seventeen, heck, I know people who had babies before seventeen.  The point is, the whole time I have been looking for answers some people were already having their mini-revelations and some are already planning to have their shot in Teen Mom or Mom at Sixteen or however you call that sick reality TV shit.  Mine has been very elementary.  What's taking him so long?

I was actually on Makati Avenue, in the car, with Mirro on the passenger seat, when I made the inevitable monologue.  I said something like, "I am not looking for The One, I am looking for The Next One."  At thirty-two, you do not really give up, you just continuously move on.  What the hell is The One?  Does that even exist?

Is that sad or is that smart?  I can't tell.  Maybe I'll find out when I'm thirty-three.  Hopefully I won't find out when I'm thirty-five.  See, one of my dearest of dearest friends is a resident surgeon, and years before her license as a medical doctor she was texting me in the middle of her OB-GYN class or similar that we needed to get pregnant pronto.  I was probably twenty-eight.  See, we're approaching this in a very scientific manner.  We're women, hear us roar as we are suppressing the sound of our biological clocks.  Yeah?

So my Mirro was drunk, I was tipsy, and we were on this intersection called Buendia and Makati Avenue.  Mirro told me for the nth time that night that we were not going to find him here.  No.  I told him that the sad thing about that is a fortune teller already told me that when I was fourteen, but the huge problem is that I am here.  I am still here.

The first time, this day (or yesterday) Mirro said that was around ten in the evening. Or was it nine.  Or maybe it was eight.  At eight in the evening we were enjoying some coffee pana cotta and muddy chocolate cake in a diplomatic event at the Shangri-La Makati (yes, I surprisingly get invited to these things).  By eight-thirty we were heading to this dinner party hosted by another ex-pat in which the party was consisted of people from his region (Europe).  Mirro and I spent most of the time outside the party; he smoked and whined whilst I got drunk on Chilean wine and whined.  It was an incredible recipe for a Thursday night.

Stationed a few meters from a lighted pool on a drizzly Thursday night, we made some revelations.  I told him about Jason Segel because I did not want to get into too much details about Guy X, Guy Y, and Guy Z, those guys who were merely good on paper and that guy who seemed to like me genuinely enough to ask me on a proper date.  Anyway.  I told him that if I was desperate and if Jason Segel was in LA during the time I was there I could pull a string who could pull another string who could "get" me Jason Segel.  I told him I said no.  Not because I didn't want Jason Segel; it was because I didn't want to meet Jason Segel as the girl who could pull some "strings".  I mean, I am not relying on some miracle or other, but the thing is, like I had to share with my friend, Jason Segel is someone I can genuinely like, not as the Jason Segel but as Jason Segel.  Gets?

But I have to say this is all not just because of Jason Segel, of course.  This is not some kind of a De Clerambault Syndrome, however.  I'm done with erotomania, seriously.  I couldn't help but tell Mirro this because this is the truth:

"When I met (ex), I thought that he reminded me of that guy who played Marshall from HIMYM.  Then I fell in-love with (ex).  And then when it was over between (ex) and I, and I inevitably started seeing Jason Segel movies (thanks to HBO) and, yes, Jason Segel did remind me of (ex), but ironically Jason Segel helped me get over (ex).  Because I started to see another person as his own person (Jason Segel), even though I do not know him and the guy he reminds me of is the guy I could marry."

Sounds like a dang movie, right.  Ask me to write the screenplay, I am actually very good.

So that is the thing.

Since I was inevitably pushed into this career limbo,  I told my friend that if I had enough money, I would choose to spend some time in the US.  To meet Jason Segel?  That's, say, a fourth of it.  Heck, it is probably easier for me to meet him.  But along the lines of sitcom drama, from Robin Scherbatsky ending up as "Aunt Robin" to Robin Scherbatsky who is, at this point, in the limbo of finding love in so-called conventional terms, I have to say that if fortunes are aligned according to plan, how I will meet Jason Segel is probably as fated as me ending up on the corner of Buendia and Makati Avenue, drunk and whining why I am having such a great time on the night before an early client meeting.

See, the moral of the story is, do not drink and drive,

An Original Soundtrack for How To Marry Jason Segel

It's no secret Jason Segel is a Music Man.

Staying in on the lovely first Saturday of December may be a mark of a, say, loser aka social pariah, but I like to think so otherwise.  In fact, I am feeling quite l-o-v-e-l-y today even though I went home Saturday morning post-the usual Friday night of dining and drinking and whining (yes) a bit heady and bordering to pissed-tipsy.  Tipsy because I had a bottle and a fourth of alcomix (Tanduay Ice --- for the love of Zeus stay away from the red one!!!) and pissed because of something work-related.

But anyway!

I have been on a love song spree today and I have no idea why.  Let's call it hormones--- or maybe because I fell asleep to The American President on HBO some time between three and five in the morning (favorite line: "Well, first of all, the two hundred pairs of eyes aren't focused on me, they're focused on you.  And the answers are Sydney Ellen Wade, and because she said yes").  Now, as I am inspired by this song by Aqualung, "Brighter Than Sunshine" from A Lot Like Love (I thought the movie was sweet and alright), I suddenly have this idea of putting together the original soundtrack of How To Marry Jason Segel!

I am pretty proud of my taste in music that I have come up with the most interesting mix of CD mixes, hence it is inevitable that I will eventually come up with a special OST for this crazily silly blog called How to Marry Jason Segel!  (And I can't stop putting exclamation marks on everything!!!)

Okay, here's the exercise.  How do you come up with a soundtrack for a movie --- or any work at all?  Personally every time I come up with a mixtape I normally play it by ear.  It's like having this particular craving in your mouth, so for a playlist I think of what I would like to listen to when I drive.  I also like to think that it is similar to this scene from Disney's The Little Mermaid where Sebastian the lobster is creating this orchestra of sounds and scenery and mood so that bloody prince will finally kiss that bloody mermaid.  Ya' know?

I really do not want to expound the creative process but I guess this list of songs will already demonstrate what this is all about.  So listen up, open your ears and your heart as I share the musical story --- and experience --- of How to Marry Jason Segel.

1. "Paper Bag" by Fiona Apple

2. "Brass Pocket" by The Pretenders

3. "This Modern Love" by Bloc Party - this is a spontaneous version caught on a street in Paris

4.  "The Power of Orange Knickers" by Tori Amos

5. "Your Cover's Blown" by Belle and Sebastian

6. "Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps" by Cake

7. "Lay and Love" by Bonnie Prince Billy

8. "One Life Stand" by Hot Chip

9. "Stars" by The xx

Baking Pie for Jason Segel

The Muppets Playing with Pie

Alright.  So Jason Segel has recently opened a Twitter account and naturallement I follow him.  I am, of course, glad to see that he happens to be Twitting or Tweeting or Twittering (whatevs) every time I go through recent tweets.  I have to admit, of course, that I did send Tweets directed at him: one, about the Muppets (that I will Tweet when I get to see it on February 2012 as the Muppets is indeed going to be out in the theaters here February 2012) and two, I just had to "at" him via a Tweet by The Dark Lord (Lord_Voldemort7) re: I am about to utter something I never thought I'd say... I hope the muppets beat the vampires this weekend.


And I hope so too!

I remember last year, during the time I was contributing articles for this food website and my head was spinning with cranberries and stuffings and Tofurkey, that I did come up with a fantasy Thanksgiving menu for Jason Segel.  Well, I read Jason's Tweet a few hours ago and he did mention about wanting some pies after visiting his parents.  Hmm, parents.  And pies.

Pies, pies, pies.  Now this reminds me of a friend who was so in-love with the TV show Pushing Daisies about this pie maker played by Lee Pace --- and speaking of Lee Pace, I don't think I'll ever forget this scene in Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day where he sings a duet with Amy Adams.  If I Didn't Care. Such a lovely song.

But pie-making is something I'll attribute to this Kerri Russell film called Waitress.  I like how the character invents pies based on her emotions and I do remember a pie called "Bad Baby Pie" which (I think) has a cheesecake base with some... nuts?  Pecans?  It's so yummy for something so bad.

As Jason Segel wants some pie, I think I'll see about a Kerri Russell mode and imagine the perfect pie for him.  I am going to call it "Jason's Saturday Pie" *giggle*

I am not aware of Jason Segel's dietary and culinary preferences other than this photo of him sleeping on some Taco Bell wrappers but let's just say I would like to assume that he likes sweet and he'll probably go creamy.  And of course, there is this thing about him wanting to lose some weight.  So I guess I'll go on a sort of inventive route and come up with a pie topped with fruit with some added crunch and a creamy bite.  And chocolate, of course.

Let's go get some fresh graham crackers and ground them.  If you're up for it, get the chocolate flavored ones.  To make the pie crust, add some chopped cold butter and some cold water.  Form the pie crust (including the sides) with this dough and then chill in the fridge.

Make some cream cheese base and set aside.  Slice fresh strawberries.  Macerate the strawberries in Madeira wine for that peppery punch.  Add some sugar.

Take out the refrigerated pie crust.  Add a thin layer of cream cheese followed by a single layer of sliced strawberries.  Continue the layering.  Top the pie with un-macerated strawberries.  Drizzle with chocolate sauce.  Chill.  Drizzle more chocolate before serving.

Of course, for the drizzle, you can always opt for some heated chocolate hazelnut sauce in the form of melted Nuttella.  Or for something, say, healthier and deeper in taste: melt some premium dark chocolate with a bit of half-and-half and add a splash of espresso.  Seriously.

Yum.  Do you hear that, Jason Segel?  YUM.

I'm hungry.  Coffee with Milo in a few minutes, coming up!

Again --- is Jason Segel Married, Single, Dating, In a Relationship or "It's Six-Ways Complicated"?

Thank you Saturday Night Live! And Paul Rudd (for making out with dear Jason) --- for unbelievably spiking up the traffic of this lovely blog. And of course, the lovely Muppets, who very much deserve all the exposure and promotion and all the love. I promise I will introduce you guys to my nephew and my nieces (ages one month to 3 and 3/4 years), all three of them. I am also thinking of eventually getting a dog, so there you go.

I cannot help but look at the blog entries I wrote several months ago, particularly those from last year. Wow. I have been keeping at this for more than a year and STILL NO JASON SEGEL. I was in LA last June and I met up with someone who knows someone who knows him, and I was just around the block from the Universal Studios where he was probably tossing between shooting HIMYM and the Muppets. And still, NO JASON SEGEL.

We cannot help but be curious about this guy, especially as he revived the Muppets. I stumbled upon this article on him and the Muppets at Wired.com and I rather enjoyed the article as I look at the movie and its new "unlikely hero" from the eyes of someone who loves cinema and creativity and innovation. I haven't seen the movie but the article raised some valid points. Purist or progress? My stance is, I still love 2D animation and it does not take away the point of the cartoon. I'll know when I see the movie.

So! Is Jason Segel married, single, in a relationship or is it just plain six ways complicated?

Give the guy a break. He's busy. Then again --- maybe he'll end up marrying me. Or he'll just marry you. You know. We are but a box of chocolates.

Speaking of chocolates, I read this entry which I posted last year. I thought it was an interesting entry. Maybe I'll meet Jason Segel whilst he's playing some Muppet tune on the piano, say, "Rainbow Connection"... and I wander into the room, he sees me, stares at me, and his music suddenly changes to --- "Mahna Mahna"!!!

To end this, come and see more about Jason Segel and the prospect of marrying him.  Read this old blog entry --- it will blow your socks off:

How to Marry Jason Segel: How to Fall In-Love: I admit, the past few days have kinda veered me off my mission to marry Jason Segel (ehem) due to, say, sentimental tendencies. I am not su...

It's Sunday Night Live (!!!) with Jason Segel and the Muppets! YAY

YEAH BABY YEAH.

And that's why it's called w(h)inn(y)ing.

UPDATE: Apparently the Jason Segel SNL stint has been generally raved about.  And I saw a review via a link at The Huffington Post (yes, I read it for the Lifestyle section --- kidding, not) which ends up... here, the AOL TV website

I just want to say congratulations and mucho mucho mucho kisses to you Jason Segel!  I can't wait to watch your episode... when SNL gets a rerun here next year,

Is Jason Segel Married?

Sometimes I pop in here just to re-read the incredibly silly things I've written and --- yes --- as this blog is Google-powered, I actually have the power to see the traffic stats.  So yes, I know that YOU are reading this, most likely for the obvious reason: you want to know if Jason Segel is married or if there is a surefire way to marry him.

As of press time (haha) he is not (married, that is).  As of his recent press release, he does not even have a personal life, which can be deliriously translated as, "I do not have a girlfriend".  As per his recent interviews, he works seven days a week and should he have time not to work, he might spend it on the essentials of being alive which include eating and sleeping (or paying a visit to this particular "station" in his man-cave).

Apparently, he does not have time to see anyone nor maybe even "like" a girl in a high school-crush kind of way in which he ends up shuffling his feet behind this lucky woman, scratching his head, and eventually asking, "So, what are you doing Friday night?"

But as we are not in his life, what do we know.  Showbiz has tons of conspiracy.  Look at Kim Kardashian.  She managed to pull off a legal wedding with legit pay-offs.  What's with telling people "I'm single" and still live a double life?  I mean, last night there was this entertainment show (Insider?  I can't remember) which "exploded" the "headline" that Robert Pattinson and Kirsten Stewart-or-Stuart-whatever might have "secretly" married, which, of course, gave way to a (stupid) Twilight promo that merely features the Bella-Edward wedding scene.  I mean, come on.  If Shakespeare managed to secretly keep a wife (from Gwyneth Paltrow in Shakespeare in Love, haha!), Jason Segel can do that as well!

Kinda strange I am writing this in a blog dedicated to the "how-to" of marrying a celebrity, huh.  Obviously I am pissed at something not Jason Segel-related and I am just being my insane self.

See, conspiracies.

Maybe this has something to do with my seeing The Invention of Lying last night on HBO.  The concept was terrific, it just felt dry overall but I generally liked it.  Lying is a necessity, you need to understand.  So if we adore Jason Segel, we just like the idea that he is not married.  It's for the good of his celebrity.   We are buying into the illusion that we can have that.

So.  The question remains.  Is Jason Segel dating someone?  Does he have a girlfriend?  Did he shag someone last night, last Friday night, that moment when Berlusconi resigned from power?

The answer is --- to quote Shakespeare in Love --- "I don't know, it's a mystery."

You want a peanut?

The thing with living in the Philippines is that you are not so sure if the American show you're watching is current or a replay.  But anyway, I just happened on Jason Segel on Jay Leno and I wasn't so sure at first if it's a recent interview despite the fact that the local cable channel has that "via satellite" mark at the upper left corner (which they sometimes "accidentally" include in reruns).  I like to assume that the interview is pretty recent as Jason Segel talked about the Muppets movie and this thing Judd Apatow recently tweeted about him needing some personal stories.  Oh, and of course he did this surprisingly good Andre the Giant impression --- You want a peanut?, Jason Segel growled.

I have been personally going through a challenging period, in addition to the fact that I had gotten really busy, hence I kinda had to put my "quest to marry" Jason Segel in the backseat.  But as I currently have some substantial time in my hands, the flame was, uh, re-flamed and I thought that he was hilarious and lovely and if I had a peanut I would shell it for him.

I found out the other day that the Muppets movie will be shown here in Manila in fucking February 2012.  That's insane.  To be honest I wasn't really into the Muppets growing up --- although of course I knew them --- but I am seriously looking forward to see this movie.  I do not really have any memory of being in-love with the Muppets which is why I think, as Jason mentioned in the interview, it would be great to have them back.  In this Hollywood era of reruns and rehash, I must say the Muppets does deserve a slot in this current wave... which I hope will end soon (oh Hollywood, are you aware that the global film community is laughing at you now?)

Anyway.  I have of course mentioned the obvious and that is the email address Jason Segel mentioned in the show.  I can't remember what the email address is but if he's looking for personal stories to recite to people who interview him, he can just say he's been searching for that girl from the other side of the world who has been blogging about marrying him --- which is, surprisingly, in a non-stalking manner.

And by the way, I just read somewhere that Jason Segel smokes.  Well.  I smoked a lot in college and I still smoke occasionally, but I wish he'll minimize the lung poison.  He will never be on the cover of Men's Health if he keeps at it.  Oh, and if the Jay Leno interview is recent, I must say he's looking pretty pretty good.  Can't wait to see the abs.