A Jason Segel Valentine Week

So that day comes around that dreadful corner again, and girls and boys are pimping up to secure a warm body come Valentine's Tuesday.  But seriously --- why force a date out of someone if you can watch a tall and lanky teen-age Jason Segel trying to get it on with... his ex-girlfriend?

Well.  A nice date would be nicer, but Nick, in this clip, sets a standard as to how high a giggle meter should be like:

How sweet and awkward, as real life is.

Jason Segel, marry me.

Happy Birthday Mr Segel

Oh no, Competition!!!

Huh.  So I just happened to be on Twitter the moment Jason Segel twitted that he found this YouTube video adorable:

A girl singing a song she composed (?) about Jason Segel.  Oh Jason Segel you're the ring to my Smeagel?  Oh Jason Segel did I mention that I'm single?  Is this one of those things where somebody posts a YouTube video asking (begging) their celebrity crush to take them out on a date to, say, the Prom or their pet chicken's wedding to the neighborhood's bitch (female dog, aye)?

COMPETITION!

Drat.  Jason Segel tweeted that response is on the way.  They'll probably end up on TMZ!  On a date!  MyGas!

Geez, this blog has existed for more than a year and I haven't heard a single --- as we say it here in the Philippines, ni- ha, ni- ho (neither "ha" nor "ho")?

But I'm a good... sport.  I shall just take this in stride but I gotta scheme some more.

Now I shall look for that bloody guitar and think of words that rhyme with... with... with... Gollum.

Smeagol is now Gollum
Do you know that Jason Segel'um?

I'm brilliant.

PS - I thought the song was brilliant.  I'll probably end up singing it in the shower.  NOOOOOO!!!
PPS - It's brilliant, really :-)

Project: Meeting Jason Segel

As the year closes up and a new one closes in, I have decided to address this *thing* wherein I am going to come up with *something* to finally meet Jason Segel.  Seriously.  I can't wait for the day that I am going to finally post in this blog that I have a photo of Jason Segel and me, all chummy and cuddly, and maybe a bit giggly.  Now that would be really nice.

I remember writing a story/screenplay before about making schemes and although I am The God in such fiction I have to admit I was the one who controlled the fates of my creation.  I am my own creation, the same way my life is, but making that intersection with Jason Segel's can be quite a challenge.  Hence, the reason we are all alive and living, so to speak.

So.  The first step in the How of marrying Jason Segel is to meet him.  Last year, I had a huge problem how to get my ass to the US: no visa.  But!  This year I got mine and I was even in Los Angeles for a week-long business trip.  And as I have mentioned, I could have met Jason Segel... except that I didn't.  Anyway.

You know what they say about six degree of separation?  Well, we can use that force.  But then again, the other challenge is I do not want to seem like a sicko fan who stalks Jason Segel.  I don't even think of myself as a "fan".  I mean, I want to marry him but I am not the kind who would throw my undies at him, y'know?  Well, maybe not in a "fan" sense, haha!

Let me put it this way.  Either Jason Segel goes to me or I go to Jason Segel.  I am going to have to conspire with the universe that either those things happen.

In the meantime, 2012 is all about tenderness... according to Otis Redding.  And meeting Jason Segel is something straight out of a John Hughes design.

Have an incredibly awesome and legendary 2012!

How I Could Have Met Jason Segel

So let me tell you how it is.  It's almost midnight and I am munching on a "small" Snickers bar.  I like Snickers, but not as much I love Mars bars.  See, I like almonds.  But there are Snicker days and there are Mars days.  Sometimes  you gotta snicker than go out of this world.

Prior to having my Snicker moment I parked the car in the basement parking of my apartment building.  Before I managed to enter the gates, there was another car that was posed before the electronic fence.  And then the moment I managed to get the car into its slot, another came in.  So I thought, maybe I would find the answers in these really coincidental incidents.  Maybe the answer is either in these cars.

I am a sucker for symbolic shit, you see.

The answers I was looking for has been set in me since I was fifteen, and since I do not lie about my age the search has been with me for seventeen years.  Wow.  Seventeen years.  That's somebody's lifetime.  People lose their virginities before seventeen, heck, I know people who had babies before seventeen.  The point is, the whole time I have been looking for answers some people were already having their mini-revelations and some are already planning to have their shot in Teen Mom or Mom at Sixteen or however you call that sick reality TV shit.  Mine has been very elementary.  What's taking him so long?

I was actually on Makati Avenue, in the car, with Mirro on the passenger seat, when I made the inevitable monologue.  I said something like, "I am not looking for The One, I am looking for The Next One."  At thirty-two, you do not really give up, you just continuously move on.  What the hell is The One?  Does that even exist?

Is that sad or is that smart?  I can't tell.  Maybe I'll find out when I'm thirty-three.  Hopefully I won't find out when I'm thirty-five.  See, one of my dearest of dearest friends is a resident surgeon, and years before her license as a medical doctor she was texting me in the middle of her OB-GYN class or similar that we needed to get pregnant pronto.  I was probably twenty-eight.  See, we're approaching this in a very scientific manner.  We're women, hear us roar as we are suppressing the sound of our biological clocks.  Yeah?

So my Mirro was drunk, I was tipsy, and we were on this intersection called Buendia and Makati Avenue.  Mirro told me for the nth time that night that we were not going to find him here.  No.  I told him that the sad thing about that is a fortune teller already told me that when I was fourteen, but the huge problem is that I am here.  I am still here.

The first time, this day (or yesterday) Mirro said that was around ten in the evening. Or was it nine.  Or maybe it was eight.  At eight in the evening we were enjoying some coffee pana cotta and muddy chocolate cake in a diplomatic event at the Shangri-La Makati (yes, I surprisingly get invited to these things).  By eight-thirty we were heading to this dinner party hosted by another ex-pat in which the party was consisted of people from his region (Europe).  Mirro and I spent most of the time outside the party; he smoked and whined whilst I got drunk on Chilean wine and whined.  It was an incredible recipe for a Thursday night.

Stationed a few meters from a lighted pool on a drizzly Thursday night, we made some revelations.  I told him about Jason Segel because I did not want to get into too much details about Guy X, Guy Y, and Guy Z, those guys who were merely good on paper and that guy who seemed to like me genuinely enough to ask me on a proper date.  Anyway.  I told him that if I was desperate and if Jason Segel was in LA during the time I was there I could pull a string who could pull another string who could "get" me Jason Segel.  I told him I said no.  Not because I didn't want Jason Segel; it was because I didn't want to meet Jason Segel as the girl who could pull some "strings".  I mean, I am not relying on some miracle or other, but the thing is, like I had to share with my friend, Jason Segel is someone I can genuinely like, not as the Jason Segel but as Jason Segel.  Gets?

But I have to say this is all not just because of Jason Segel, of course.  This is not some kind of a De Clerambault Syndrome, however.  I'm done with erotomania, seriously.  I couldn't help but tell Mirro this because this is the truth:

"When I met (ex), I thought that he reminded me of that guy who played Marshall from HIMYM.  Then I fell in-love with (ex).  And then when it was over between (ex) and I, and I inevitably started seeing Jason Segel movies (thanks to HBO) and, yes, Jason Segel did remind me of (ex), but ironically Jason Segel helped me get over (ex).  Because I started to see another person as his own person (Jason Segel), even though I do not know him and the guy he reminds me of is the guy I could marry."

Sounds like a dang movie, right.  Ask me to write the screenplay, I am actually very good.

So that is the thing.

Since I was inevitably pushed into this career limbo,  I told my friend that if I had enough money, I would choose to spend some time in the US.  To meet Jason Segel?  That's, say, a fourth of it.  Heck, it is probably easier for me to meet him.  But along the lines of sitcom drama, from Robin Scherbatsky ending up as "Aunt Robin" to Robin Scherbatsky who is, at this point, in the limbo of finding love in so-called conventional terms, I have to say that if fortunes are aligned according to plan, how I will meet Jason Segel is probably as fated as me ending up on the corner of Buendia and Makati Avenue, drunk and whining why I am having such a great time on the night before an early client meeting.

See, the moral of the story is, do not drink and drive,

An Original Soundtrack for How To Marry Jason Segel

It's no secret Jason Segel is a Music Man.

Staying in on the lovely first Saturday of December may be a mark of a, say, loser aka social pariah, but I like to think so otherwise.  In fact, I am feeling quite l-o-v-e-l-y today even though I went home Saturday morning post-the usual Friday night of dining and drinking and whining (yes) a bit heady and bordering to pissed-tipsy.  Tipsy because I had a bottle and a fourth of alcomix (Tanduay Ice --- for the love of Zeus stay away from the red one!!!) and pissed because of something work-related.

But anyway!

I have been on a love song spree today and I have no idea why.  Let's call it hormones--- or maybe because I fell asleep to The American President on HBO some time between three and five in the morning (favorite line: "Well, first of all, the two hundred pairs of eyes aren't focused on me, they're focused on you.  And the answers are Sydney Ellen Wade, and because she said yes").  Now, as I am inspired by this song by Aqualung, "Brighter Than Sunshine" from A Lot Like Love (I thought the movie was sweet and alright), I suddenly have this idea of putting together the original soundtrack of How To Marry Jason Segel!

I am pretty proud of my taste in music that I have come up with the most interesting mix of CD mixes, hence it is inevitable that I will eventually come up with a special OST for this crazily silly blog called How to Marry Jason Segel!  (And I can't stop putting exclamation marks on everything!!!)

Okay, here's the exercise.  How do you come up with a soundtrack for a movie --- or any work at all?  Personally every time I come up with a mixtape I normally play it by ear.  It's like having this particular craving in your mouth, so for a playlist I think of what I would like to listen to when I drive.  I also like to think that it is similar to this scene from Disney's The Little Mermaid where Sebastian the lobster is creating this orchestra of sounds and scenery and mood so that bloody prince will finally kiss that bloody mermaid.  Ya' know?

I really do not want to expound the creative process but I guess this list of songs will already demonstrate what this is all about.  So listen up, open your ears and your heart as I share the musical story --- and experience --- of How to Marry Jason Segel.

1. "Paper Bag" by Fiona Apple

2. "Brass Pocket" by The Pretenders

3. "This Modern Love" by Bloc Party - this is a spontaneous version caught on a street in Paris

4.  "The Power of Orange Knickers" by Tori Amos

5. "Your Cover's Blown" by Belle and Sebastian

6. "Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps" by Cake

7. "Lay and Love" by Bonnie Prince Billy

8. "One Life Stand" by Hot Chip

9. "Stars" by The xx

Baking Pie for Jason Segel

The Muppets Playing with Pie

Alright.  So Jason Segel has recently opened a Twitter account and naturallement I follow him.  I am, of course, glad to see that he happens to be Twitting or Tweeting or Twittering (whatevs) every time I go through recent tweets.  I have to admit, of course, that I did send Tweets directed at him: one, about the Muppets (that I will Tweet when I get to see it on February 2012 as the Muppets is indeed going to be out in the theaters here February 2012) and two, I just had to "at" him via a Tweet by The Dark Lord (Lord_Voldemort7) re: I am about to utter something I never thought I'd say... I hope the muppets beat the vampires this weekend.


And I hope so too!

I remember last year, during the time I was contributing articles for this food website and my head was spinning with cranberries and stuffings and Tofurkey, that I did come up with a fantasy Thanksgiving menu for Jason Segel.  Well, I read Jason's Tweet a few hours ago and he did mention about wanting some pies after visiting his parents.  Hmm, parents.  And pies.

Pies, pies, pies.  Now this reminds me of a friend who was so in-love with the TV show Pushing Daisies about this pie maker played by Lee Pace --- and speaking of Lee Pace, I don't think I'll ever forget this scene in Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day where he sings a duet with Amy Adams.  If I Didn't Care. Such a lovely song.

But pie-making is something I'll attribute to this Kerri Russell film called Waitress.  I like how the character invents pies based on her emotions and I do remember a pie called "Bad Baby Pie" which (I think) has a cheesecake base with some... nuts?  Pecans?  It's so yummy for something so bad.

As Jason Segel wants some pie, I think I'll see about a Kerri Russell mode and imagine the perfect pie for him.  I am going to call it "Jason's Saturday Pie" *giggle*

I am not aware of Jason Segel's dietary and culinary preferences other than this photo of him sleeping on some Taco Bell wrappers but let's just say I would like to assume that he likes sweet and he'll probably go creamy.  And of course, there is this thing about him wanting to lose some weight.  So I guess I'll go on a sort of inventive route and come up with a pie topped with fruit with some added crunch and a creamy bite.  And chocolate, of course.

Let's go get some fresh graham crackers and ground them.  If you're up for it, get the chocolate flavored ones.  To make the pie crust, add some chopped cold butter and some cold water.  Form the pie crust (including the sides) with this dough and then chill in the fridge.

Make some cream cheese base and set aside.  Slice fresh strawberries.  Macerate the strawberries in Madeira wine for that peppery punch.  Add some sugar.

Take out the refrigerated pie crust.  Add a thin layer of cream cheese followed by a single layer of sliced strawberries.  Continue the layering.  Top the pie with un-macerated strawberries.  Drizzle with chocolate sauce.  Chill.  Drizzle more chocolate before serving.

Of course, for the drizzle, you can always opt for some heated chocolate hazelnut sauce in the form of melted Nuttella.  Or for something, say, healthier and deeper in taste: melt some premium dark chocolate with a bit of half-and-half and add a splash of espresso.  Seriously.

Yum.  Do you hear that, Jason Segel?  YUM.

I'm hungry.  Coffee with Milo in a few minutes, coming up!