Jason Segel and Michelle Williams

An SMS exchange with my sister:


Via SMS---
Me: I'm so sad. Jason Segel is dating Michelle Williams. Huhuhu.
Sister: At least not some hoe. Haha!
Me: Why can't I be that hoe, rakehoe?

===========

So I was going through this MSN webpage on Hollywood's best girlfriends --- now that I think about it, I have no idea why I clicked on it.  Anyhow, so finally I arrived on the page with Michelle Williams on it, and of course I was dang curious who was the lucky guy.  Seriously, I had to blink a few times if I got the name right:


Jason Segel.


Remember that scene in Brokeback Mountain where Michelle Williams catches Heath Ledger and Jake Gylenhaal in a tight, I-am-going-to-push-you-against-the-wall-you-bad-cowboy kind of embrace?

Do you know those moments?  That moment where you discover something and gravity suddenly disappears and all your organs crash-boom-bang at the bottom of your gut, and you start to think of the fluids and the bile, ripping and boiling that the blood has to rush suddenly to your head, taking you into a heady high, and then your head suddenly snaps and then you realize oh bloody hell, the heart does that again, what a bloody headache.

And then I had to laugh.  But yeah, the headache is still there.

What can I say?  Michelle Williams currently has the advantage when it comes to marrying Jason Segel.  Maybe she'll come up with a blog.

Dear Jason Segel:

Michelle Williams is a lovely woman, an incredible artist.  

Happiness, 

me.

Gaaah so another (so-called) competition!

After skipping a couple of seasons, I have been kinda watching American Idol lately. Okay, mainly because of Jessica Sanchez as, yes, we Flipinos are a sucker for rooting for anyone who is even a sixteenth of our ancestry (it's so funny that it's sad).  But hey, Jessica Sanchez is so damn good.  Nobody can deny that.

But then of course there's Elise.

To be honest, I like Elise a lot.  She's the kind of artist I would listen to.  Really.  That's why I am not surprised and I am quite delighted that Jason Segel is rooting for her.

Delighted because Jason Segel apparently likes singers with that certain oomph, you know.  Not the usual squeaky, shout-y, over-the-top performers.  And Elise seems cool.

Surprised because --- dangit again, Jason Segel has been making other girls' dreams come true.  Man.  And another singer.  Remember that girl?  Jason Segel you're my Smeagol-something.  I am single, oh baby Jason Segel-whatever.

Wait til I do Everything But the Girl Covers.  Huh.  Yeah, I can sing that.  Anything with with a pretty low tone.  Like this one:

Oh well.  I think it's nice that Jason Segel has been popping up here and there.  And he looked really cute.  And so nice to see a celebrity root for a starting artist (and then they get to promote a movie, hee-haw!).

But when do I get a bit of, say, sign that this guy acknowledges this existence?  I mean, seriously.

And to think it was my birthday Easter Sunday.

 PS -- I haven't seen the latest American Idol, I just saw this bit on Yahoo.   Oh the Internet.

PPS -- Yeah, so this is what you do on a lunch break whilst dealing with clients and prepping for the click of the light... and the start of the dream.  Jason Segel must know this song.  I mean, he introduced Arcade Fire at the Grammy's last year, right?  Or was it the other year.  Yeah yeah yeahs.

Love: A Reminder

Source: thumbpress.com via Yas on Pinterest

I Just Have to Giggle: Jason Segel on Parade

This week has been busy, hectic and sickly.  Despite the inconveniences, I am happy to be staying at my parents' house while on sick leave, bumming about while trying to keep my head above, say, nasal excretions, and being excruciatingly phlegmatic (because I watched a lot of features on cable in a semi-groggy state: RED, Avatar and Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths).

And so Friday came and Friday it is.  I am still out of commission.  I watched cartoons with my four year-old nephew (I actually enjoyed The Princess and the Frog).  I asked my dad to bring me two slices of pizza for dinner.  And then I saw How I Met Your Mother, the "Broath" episode.

I was actually delighted to see the reason behind Jason Segel's interesting Twitter/Twitpic post where he wears a Peter Pan costume.  So.  Growth spurt, huh.

But anyway --- pardon the side talk --- I happened on a Jason Segel interview on Parade, thanks to... Kim Kardashian.  Oh you know, you click on the link on MSN that says Kim K was doused in flour because you want to see her powdered in the wrong places, and then you end up seeing an article on the same webpage why on earth Jason Segel is still single.

And I just had to read it.  I have to say --- and I am not saying this because I want to "marry" Jason Segel --- I really agree with what he said about The One.  It actually made me giggle.

Here's what Jason Segel said in the interview.  Read it in full in the Parade website.

"...I think relationships are an effort and it’s about timing, an actual decision, and two people deciding they will be the best person for one another. And what happens if you miss the one or they die? Now you are doomed to a life of loneliness? We know that’s not true. I think you want your partner to be your best friend. Even attraction will change. But what everyone’s looking for is a partner in crime.”

See, I thought River Phoenix was The One.  And then he died.  So why the hell would I settle for the idea of The One?  Why be doomed?

Oh well.  Happy to see that Jason Segel is so darn sensible.  No wonder he hasn't taken a risk.  Why be doomed?  Why be risky?  When it comes, it comes.

I wonder, though, if deep inside he is thinking, "What's taking you so long?"

Seven Comma Seven Seven Seven

As of typing this, about 7,777 souls have wandered into --- or stumbled upon --- this blog, mostly as a result of the queries "Is Jason Segel married?", "Where does Jason Segel live?",  "Jason Segel girlfriend 2012", "Is Jason Segel sleeping with anyone?", and its many other variations.

The spike and the constant traffic to this small blog --- which was initially established to come up with means on how to end up marrying Jason Segel (more on my progress later) --- may be attributed to his successes.  Gee, this guy brought back The Muppets from a hiatus.  The song "Man or Muppet", which he performed with Walter, won an Oscar.  How I Met Your Mother still kicks behinds.  Oh, and of course, his movies.

In physics terms, Jason Segel is a distributed force... with his person being the center of mass.

That sounds quite geeky, but let me try this again.

In physics terms, Jason Segel is a momentum --- which really means a mass in motion, with M = m(v), m= mass, v=velocity --- and also a force that can cause change in speed, direction and shape.

But then again, he is also like liquid which is described as a substance that can take the shape of any container.

To borrow a quote from Miss Pennylane in Almost Famous, "It's (he's) happening!"

Last night I saw a mini-marathon of How I Met Your Mother on Star World and I could not believe that the gentle Marshall Eriksen is played by a guy who also played someone who had a jerk-off station.  This same guy also went full monty in all his frontal glory, showed some male sensitivity that women look for (aka... crying while writing a song?), and also bent six ways just to bring back a bunch of puppets that mostly Gen Y-ers and Gen X-ers will appreciate.

I mean, seriously, this small blog reached 7777 because people want to know who Jason Segel is.

And as fans --- or psychos who are probably plotting to kidnap him for some shotgun wedding --- we are curious what makes Jason Segel, this (non)leading leading man, a real-life, say, creature.

As for my progress in this quest, well, I am planning to drop by LA again in the future.  Hopefully this year.  Maybe I'll stay there for a week; if life allows it, I'll hang around for a month.  And then we will have some miracles reign, I mean, rain.

Man or Muppet --- or Conchord

SO HAPPY that Bret McKenzie won an Oscar for "Man or Muppet"!  And yay for Jason Segel and Walter!

As I haven't seen The Muppets (oh my gosh, aren't they supposed to show it here this February?!!!), I was quite pleased to find out that effin' Bret of Flight of the Conchords contributed to the musical genius of this movie.

I love, love Flight of the Conchords and it broke my heart when they decided to leave everyone hanging after two lovely seasons.  Actually, after seeing Jason Segel and Walter's "Man or Muppet" on thankYouTube, I immediately thought that Jason Segel would fit in perfectly as a character in Flight of the Conchords.  Maybe like a bum or a frat boy or those guys in How to Make it in America.

Interestingly, I also noticed a significant spike of traffic to this blog.  Oh well.  What can you do?  A lot of people want to marry Jason Segel.

But in order for me to edge in this competition --- ahem --- I am going to have to serenade Jason Segel via a brilliant performance by my dream buddies Jermaine and Bret.  This is kinda a daydream, maybe Jason Segel and Walter singing this song to me.  Or me and Walter singing this song to Jason Segel.

Well why not ---

If it's cool with you, I'll let you get naked too.  It could be a dream come true.  Provided that's what you are into.

Ah,  this is a perfect addition to the original soundtrack of How to Marry Jason Segel.

I am going to have to think about that "double-team" thing though.  Let's see, shall we?

How to Sleep With Jason Segel

I can't help it.  I am going to have to spill the beans and let this out.  I am online and there are things I gotta share.

I have just found out that a certain search query led to this blog: how to sleep with Jason Segel.

As I have claimed the Blogger blog title "How toMarry Jason Segel" (which turns out to be a regular query for this blog traffic --- ooh, I have fans?), maybe a primer on "How to Sleep With Jason Segel" is in order.

So let us do this.  How do you sleep with The Jason Segel?

1. Come up with a Jason Segel Seduction Plan.  Maybe you can try bribing? (not him)
2. Lure Jason Segel into a feasible space where you can "sleep with" him.  Decide whether the feasibility is horizontal, vertical, diagonal, etc.
3. Wear your birthday suit --- the one you wore last year.
4. Make sure he wears his too; it would be way nicer if he suits up though, of course.  Remember Barney Stinson's suit pajamas? I'm kidding.
5. If you do not know what happens next, I suggest you pick up a nice copy of an "intellectual" or DIY "erotic" book before Step One: The Joy of Sex for the classics, Anais Nin's Delta of Venus if you feel like a literary snob.  No, I haven't read The Joy of Sex but I remember that book from a Doogie Howser M.D. episode, the one where Doogie and Wanda are planning to do the deed.  As for Delta of Venus, yes, I have read that one --- during those early years I was a horny literary snob.
6. Ask for his number.
  6a. If Jason Segel gives you his number, good jab!  I mean, good job!
  6b. If Jason Segel does not give you his number, tell him you know a lawyer called Harvey.
7. Give your number to Jason Segel.
  7a. If he accepts your number, tell him, "Call me!"
  7b. If he does not accept your number and you fall under 6a, tell him, "I'll call you mwahahaha"
  7c. If he does not accept your number and you fall under 6b, tell him, "I know Harvey and that girl Justin Bieber got pregnant, mwahahahaha"
8. Leave me a message; I will either:
  8a. Congratulate you
  8b. Hunt you down
  8c. Haunt you down

Now you know how to sleep with Jason Segel.  How to meet him --- well, it's OUR problem!

Have an incredible Valentine's Week, you saucy minxeses.

A Jason Segel Valentine Week

So that day comes around that dreadful corner again, and girls and boys are pimping up to secure a warm body come Valentine's Tuesday.  But seriously --- why force a date out of someone if you can watch a tall and lanky teen-age Jason Segel trying to get it on with... his ex-girlfriend?

Well.  A nice date would be nicer, but Nick, in this clip, sets a standard as to how high a giggle meter should be like:

How sweet and awkward, as real life is.

Jason Segel, marry me.

Happy Birthday Mr Segel

Oh no, Competition!!!

Huh.  So I just happened to be on Twitter the moment Jason Segel twitted that he found this YouTube video adorable:

A girl singing a song she composed (?) about Jason Segel.  Oh Jason Segel you're the ring to my Smeagel?  Oh Jason Segel did I mention that I'm single?  Is this one of those things where somebody posts a YouTube video asking (begging) their celebrity crush to take them out on a date to, say, the Prom or their pet chicken's wedding to the neighborhood's bitch (female dog, aye)?

COMPETITION!

Drat.  Jason Segel tweeted that response is on the way.  They'll probably end up on TMZ!  On a date!  MyGas!

Geez, this blog has existed for more than a year and I haven't heard a single --- as we say it here in the Philippines, ni- ha, ni- ho (neither "ha" nor "ho")?

But I'm a good... sport.  I shall just take this in stride but I gotta scheme some more.

Now I shall look for that bloody guitar and think of words that rhyme with... with... with... Gollum.

Smeagol is now Gollum
Do you know that Jason Segel'um?

I'm brilliant.

PS - I thought the song was brilliant.  I'll probably end up singing it in the shower.  NOOOOOO!!!
PPS - It's brilliant, really :-)