If I could put everything in a bundle...

Alright, so it is the holidays and Christmas has been hectic.  And in a few days it is the New Year's.  For some reason, I've been finding the recent Christmas-es quite... boring.  I don't know.  It has become a chore.  Sure, it ought to be about Jesus Christ, peace on earth and parties and being on a series of drunken rolls, but frankly the holidays has become a period of panic buying and panic partying.  Seriously.  And to be honest, I'd rather work.  Seriously.  It's nice to work when it's cold and you're in the mood to work, not because some holiday forces you to take a break.  Why can't we choose our holidays, no?  If you don't want to take a vacation around Christmas time, well, use those points for some worthier holidays like birthday breaks and those days when you just feel like telling the world, OH SOD IT.

Or maybe I have stopped becoming like that nice Catholic-school girl.  The Christmas holidays has, I am sorry to say, started to irritate me.  The holidays give people many reasons to be stupid.  It has become obligatory and pointless.  Drivers become bigger morons on the road.  There are too many people in the shopping malls and on the road.  Where did these people come from??!!

Not that I have been having a lousy time.  It's been fun.  Just standard-issue fun.  Nothing special.

BUT --- if there's anything I love about the holidays, it's the New Year's.  I am very much into that symbolic shit-thing.  I have an article pending for electronic publishing on lucky foods for the New Year's.  Pretty interesting stuff.  And anyway, I guess I am a sucker for the "out with the old, in with the new".  I like the New Year's.  It gives me a good reason to clean the apartment.

And of course, I have had this yearly tradition which I call the Book of the Year.  Yes folks, I buy a book a few days before New Year's and call it The Book.  This year it's Eat, Pray, Love and I have to admit, my year kinda looked like that though a bit backwards.  It started with Love (it was not in Bali, Indonesia, but it sounds a lot like it!), and then Pray (let's say I am defining my spiritual path), and then -- ARGH --- Eat.  I gained about 5-10 pounds.  Really bad.  So a few hours ago I bought my book of the year called The Gift: Creativity and the Artists in the Modern World by Lewis Hyde.  Like many stories, I came upon this book by accident.  Actually, I was already clutching Chuck Palahnuik's Rant and Colin Thubron's Shadow of the Silk Road, but my mind was saying get another book!  And then I remembered that I had been looking for Chuck Klosterman's Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, but I saw Eating the Dinosaur instead.  And then this book with a heart on the cover kept catching my eye, and out of curiosity I picked it up.  It's perfect.

So with these in mind I though I'd put together a 2011 bundle for Jason Segel.  You know, if I knew him personally I'd give him these... stuff.  Though I don't really have "things" in mind.  It's a cliche, but it's all about the thought.  Like a 2011 care package.  Or a recommendation list.  Haha.

Okay, I think I'll start with a book.  I actually saw this on the shelf earlier, just quite above my Book of the Year, but some guy snatched it up hence I decided to pick up Hyde's book.  I do think that Jason Segel will like this book, and I do think it's a good match because I believe he is a genius.  Seriously.  Based on his career choices (i.e. not giving up amidst years of Hollywood rejection) he was initially Out of His Mind but now that he has a TV show and a list of movies ahead of him, his being a writer AND musician makes him a modern-day example of brilliance.  I think today he is Playing Smart.  The book focuses more on the music industry, and --- yeah --- Jason Segel will probably love this.

I hope he likes to read books though.  I'll come up with more in a few days.

To end this pre-New Year's entry, this song has been playing in my head a lot of times.  Actually, I am in this very strange Bloc Party mode, and I am loving this group a lot.  Earlier today my sister was watching How I Met Your Mother re-runs whilst I was preparing for my trip back to Manila.  I didn't watch it with her as I had seen it --- that episode with Lily going to San Francisco and leaving Marshall, and Ted and Robin getting together.  I saw this ep, say, months ago.  Well, I was in the bathroom and my sister was watching the episode, and it was about to end.  And then I told her my HIMYM theory: Ted is no longer married to the mother of his children and is back with his true love, "Aunt" Robin.  As the episode wraps up with Ted in the cab, and then Marshall on the steps of the apartment, Lily-less, my ears suddenly perked up as I listened to the last few seconds of the episode.

And of course, this music.  Frankly, this Bloc Party song seems to be following me almost everywhere. And I don't mind getting stalked by this song.

How to Fall In-Love

I admit, the past few days have kinda veered me off my mission to marry Jason Segel (ehem) due to, say, sentimental tendencies.  I am not sure if it is hormones or the holidays, but I have been thinking a lot about love lately.  And as stupid it sounds, the song "It Might Be You" keeps playing in my head... err, okay, I am off my rockers.  BUT --- since this is blogging about my pronouncement of wanting to marry a particular guy, and that guy being Jason Segel (seriously), I gotta keep this love alive therefore I have to remind myself --- hey, if I am writing about how to marry someone, I should take a few steps back and at least understand how to fall in-love with someone, no?

So I decided to go to the fundamental, pre-50 First Dates type of ideal and thought of that moment of realization of falling in-love.  We all have had that in one way or another; you know, I can write a 1000 page essay on my particular experience which took place in 1998 but I am now in for making new experiences in 2011 and would rather leave the past behind.  But anyway,  as far as movies go, nothing beats this love-at-first-sight scene from the movie The Legend of 1900.  I saw this movie a couple of times on HBO back in early 2000 (or late 90s), and since I have been thinking a lot about love lately and listening to Beethoven (I am such a cool gal), I am suddenly reminded of this Tornatore film starring Tim Roth.

Of course you can Google about the film or better yet, you should watch it.  It's quite good, well-made, and underrated, unfortunately.  But I can still remember my impression about this scene although I saw it, say, a decade ago.  1900 (Tim Roth) falls in-love in the middle of doing something--- he is recording music for this bunch of producers who want to make money out of his talent.  As he plays the piano and starts the piece, he looks out the window and sees The Girl.  And then his music changes.  And then his sense of existence changes.  And the girls who watch this will just want to cry.

So here's the clip.  Thanks to YouTube and YouTube account holders who have the passion to share bits and pieces of great things.  And on a last note, who would have thought of putting Jason Segel with The Legend of 1900 in one blog entry, in one sentence?  Seriously.  Me.  So Jason Segel, out of the girls who want to marry you, I am your 1900... or better yet, that immigrant girl outside the window who does not have a name... because I am the girl.  And you should be Tim Roth/1900 because... you're the guy.  Alrighty then.

Because it's almost mid-December, Rocky took a lover

"I'm trying to. It's so hard here. Brian, everywhere I look I'm reminded of her, okay? Like, she got me this, okay because I would always leave my cereal boxes open, and the cereal would get stale, and so one day I came home, and she had this waiting for me, because it keeps my cereal fresh. And now I have the freshest cereal." - Peter Bretter (Jason Segel), Forgetting Sarah Marshall

I (sort of) saw Dead Man on Campus on HBO the other day, and I was surprised to see Jason Segel there.  He looked so young... and he was pretty thin.  He and ex-gf Linda Cardellini played a couple in this movie.  Anyhow, I thought Jason grew into a fine awesome dude despite the extra 20+ pounds.  Trust me, a bit of padding is nice.

A Dreidel for My Segel

Happy Hanukkah, Men.

Hmm.  I thought I would take a break from my last "dinner date" planning mode with my last week's fantasy Thanksgiving dinner I would make for Jason Segel.  But as Mr Segel is Jewish, I guess it is only appropriate to give him dreidel and give it a spin!

I didn't really know much about Hanukkah, but --- again --- as I am writing Hanukkah-related food articles, I seem to be turning into some kind of an expert on the subject.  Actually, I wrote an article on Kosher yesterday, so with my knowledge that I only attained less than 24 hours ago, I think I can pretty much tell which is kosher or non-kosher.  I find this strict Jewish dietary laws quite interesting; some may find it mental, but hey, tradition is tradition, and we respect those who practice it (and as it does not include heinous killing and all that sort).  All I can say is I like my dairy with my meat, and I had porkchop for lunch, so I guess this makes me very non-kosher!


With Hanukkah, some people may go the kosher route even though they are not strictly kosher (hence, it is now a fallacy to say that all Jewish people only eat kosher).  But anyway, I find two very interesting Hanukkah tradition which I'll likely feast on should I get my hands on them: latkes and sufganiyot.

Aaahhh... don't they sound a tad exotic.  Latkes.  Sufganiyot.  What the heck are they?

For some reason I don't want to share what they are because I like to keep the mystery... but what they hey.  Latkes is just potato pancakes, alright?  With onions. You can top it with apple sauce.  Or maybe sour cream... which makes latkes, a parve, a dairy food in kosher context.  Aahahahaha.  I am such a geek.  And well, sufganiyot is just... jelly doughnut.  So yeah, doughnuts for everyone!

Don't you just love the simplicity of these Hanukkah food staples?  I can buy a jelly doughnut around the corner and I am celebrating Hanukkah already!

So Mr. Segel, if I would take you on a Hanukkah date, we'll head out to Krispey Kreme and I'll get you a lovely jelly doughnut.  We'll eat it in-front of a lighted menorah and snack on some potato pancakes.  And then we'll drive off to the sunset and sing"Oy Chanukkah" and "I Have A Little Dreidel".  Stick with me dear, it's going to be a lovely date!

Blimey, turkey!

I've never been to any Thanksgiving whatsit EVER; I think there are some, uh, americanized Filipinos here in Manila who actually celebrate T-day, or maybe they just want to go with the American flow of throwing some lavish turkey and potatoes party just so they can say they celebrate Thanksgiving even though the celebration involved English (and maybe Dutch?) religious separatists and Native Americans these white settlers would end up slaughtering and displacing (oooohhh).  So yeah, go Pocahontas.

Anyway, I am not in this position to care for Thanksgiving but I am thankful, and as I am a regular contributor to this American food blog/website, my head has been spinning with articles on Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving recipes.

See, I love food.  And I have yet to have a Thanksgiving meal.  But anyway, I think writing about it in the past several days have somehow turned me into a semi-expert, and I cannot help but --- for today's episode --- put together a Thanksgiving meal plan for Jason Segel!

Hmm.  It is kinda creepy.  Haha.

But I LOVE COOKING, and I watch Top Chef and cooking shows every chance I get.  So hey, I ALWAYS fantasize about putting together a meal plan and go on about the Nigella Lawson and Ina Garten route (honestly, I would rather stay my size, but I worship these domestic goddesses).

As it is several hours into the fourth Thursday of November on this side of the planet, I shall indulge myself and share a Thanksgiving food fantasy should I have Jason Segel on my table (as a diner, not in an operating table scenario).

Side Dishes / Appetizers
People don't call Thanksgiving Turkey Day if there's no turkey, so I think that the side dishes should be at least healthy yet tasty!  So... I am kinda going via the vegetarian route.  Uh-huh.  So feast on the following:

- Red pepper and soaked cashew hummus with a drizzle of white truffle oil
- A bread, chips and vegetables platter (toasted whole wheat pita bread, baked chili potato slivers, toasted cornbread chips, carrots, zucchini)
- Quinoa-stuffed portobello mushrooms
- Classic pumpkin soup with sour cream
- Salted popcorn (can't help it!  Hey--- it's Thanksgiving food)

Fowl
- A roasted wild turkey.  Yes --- not the generic type, will have someone hunt a wild turkey instead.  Apparently it's more humane this way.  If the hunting fails, it's gonna be a heritage turkey.  Third in line is goose.
- Spicy and sweet cranberry glaze

Stuffing
- Any great recipe using sourdough bread for the turkey soaked in spices, herbs and turkey drippings.  Except for the goose --- should be Scandinavian-style with apple and prune stuffing.

Dessert
- Cheese and fruit platter (rocquefort, reggiano parmigiano, sharp cheddar, camembert drizzled with honey, grapes, apples, pears)
- Pumpkin pie with sticky toffee nut and pecan topping
- Cranberry danish with home-made vanilla ice cream

Drink
RED WINE!
Pumpkin pie martini (seriously)
Warm spiced wine

So that's a Thanksgiving suggestion.  I wonder how Jason Segel is gonna celebrate today.  Is he going to be with family? With friends?  With family and friends?  With friends and lovers?  His Brofriends?  His puppet collection in his secret room of his secret room of puppets?









So far I am just working, trying not to get pissed (yeah, been a pretty BAD week), and looking forward to cap off the night with --- wait for it --- Jeffrey Jeturian's Tuhog.  Apparently a friend implies it's the best Filipino movie in the last 20 years, and seriously, in that field, I am looking for something --- anything --- to be thankful for.  I hope this movie will do it.

But Temptation Island still takes the cookie for its utter uniqueness --- because this is where beauty queens turn into sex queens!  Woot.  Thank you, Gosiengfiao.

Neurolinguistic Programming Jason Segel - Part Four

At the moment I am enjoying this huge mug of instant chocolate oatmeal and playing Sigur Ros on my iTunes --- small pleasures that I do deserve as I am down with a bit of temperature paired with a sneezing fest.  And I am in a bit of pain, a headache is about to start, but I am forcing myself to sit on my chair and work on my laptop.  Let me complain.

Hence, this is probably not the best time to neurolingustic-program Jason Segel, but I miss writing here, and it's been about a week.  I want to write here more, but I have been writing too much.  All I do is write, it's driving me insane.

But let me write down the third column of this exercise and wrap up this neurolinguistic programming thing as there are a number of things I should do in order to end up marrying Jason Segel.  Afterall, that's the title of my blog, right?  We have a mission, and we're in this position to fulfill that mission!  Yeah!

So here goes ---

I think I gave this third column the title What I Must Do to End Up Marrying Jason Segel Without Killing the Woman He Will Likely Want to Marry, or a variation of that sort.  Now this is the part I remember the fortune teller told me to do.  This column should be a logical action list stemming from Columns 1 and Columns 2.  If I wrote in Column 1 that Jason Segel is brilliant, and in Column 2 he will likely want a brilliant girl, hence Column 3 is about me being brilliant!

Yay, we're on the road towards becoming our bright and shiny selves!

But I am going to be more specific.  I am not going to write down why I am brilliant already (haha), but in true rules of attraction fashion (and I have no idea what those rules are), it is all about, well, opening my world to the world of Jason Segel.

Well ok, maybe it is not feasible I go to the U.S. now but there are some things about Jason Segel that I am not about yet.

So let's begin.

1) Music Appreciation - Jason Segel is a brilliant musician.  I am never going to be a brilliant musician but at least music is part of my life. And I PLAYED the drums back in high school for a rock band, and I could hit Hole, Alanis Morisette, Green Day (just one song) and Gin Blossom, among others.  But I haven't been in-front of a drum set for, say, ten years?  Still --- there was that time.

Anyway, remember that scene in that fun movie Love, Actually?  The kid wanting to play drums because his crush likes drummers?  This exercise is something to that effect.

The thing is I have no problems at all appreciating music; I am a huge music lover.  BUT --- I think I read somewhere --- Jason Segel likes classic rock (think Rush) and reggae.  To be honest I don't listen to these all the time because, well, my personal preferences tend to lean towards alternative, indie, ambient, all that stuff.  I can see that his taste, based on classic and reggae, is more classic; I tend to be more progressive.

So let's shall marry them together!

I think the first step is to nurture (not force) an appreciation for classic rock gods.  Maybe I'll start with Rush; now this is a Rush song that I actually like.  And then I can continue on with, uh, The Scorpions? Dream Theater?  But hey, my current It song is "One Day" by Matisyahu.  Now that's reggae, huh.  Yeah mon.

2) Muppets Appreciation - alright, alright I know who they are but I did not grow up watching them!  Unless the Muppets are the guys on Sesame Street?  No?  Well, I do know Kermit and Miss Piggy and the Cookie Monster and Elmo... wait, am I mixing things up?  Hahaha.

ALRIGHT.  So here's what I am going to do.  I will watch Muppets movies; I'll look for them.  Besides, this is probably something my nephew will enjoy... on one note, my nephew, who is 2 years-old, loves "Laura Palmer's Prom" by You Say Party!  We Say Die! and "Not Going Home" by The Elected.  But then he loves Spongebob, Toy Story, Benten and High-Five.  The Muppets will be a no-brainer.  See, I am such a cool aunt.

3) I'll start playing the guitar again and sing - I used to have this fantasy that one day I would whip out a guitar, play Dave Matthews Band's "Crush" (the version with Tim Reynolds --- tignan ko lang!), and sing the song.  The thing is, although I used to play the guitar A LOT, I can't stand it when my fingertips get swollen.  And whatever I do I can't sing like Dave Matthews even though he does that falsetto thing. So.  I have somebody's guitar downstairs, and I can get chords online this time.  I used to that exercise a few months ago when I tried playing Natasha Beddingfield's version of "The Scientist".  See, I can do it.

Okay, I am not doing this just so I can join Jason Segel on stage, maybe with Swell Season, and join in the session. But then again, why not.  I'll do an interpretative dance number instead.  I'll ask Paul Rudd to join me.

4) Watch all his movies and find a copy of Freaks and Geeks - apparently, there was this cool show back in the 1990s called Freaks and Geeks, and yeah, Jason Segel and his Broyfriends were part of it.  I had no idea what that show is.  Well, I think when it came out (1997?) I was busy watching something else --- The Practice and Ally McBeal.

But apparently, this was some brilliant show that I missed.  Watch Jason Segel sing with that weird girl "Jesus is just alright".




See, JESUS, it's not alright we're missing out on good shows like Freaks and Geeks!

Well, is this the end of NLPing Jason Segel?  Let me see if I'll come up with more.  Stay tuned!

Neurolinguistic Programming Jason Segel - Part Three

My apologies for this delay, my lovelies, but last week I got swamped with work.  Or rather, I was quite surprised that I had too much work that I spent a lot of time wondering how to actually work.  You know how it is.   Hang time has ended.  Ass off the couch.  Fingers-a-tappin', makin' things happen.

I kinda wondered if this unplanned (reverse) hiatus would affect my plans to marry Jason Segel.  I was very Jason Segel-less last week.  I never saw an episode of How I Met Your Mother, though I think I saw a news clip about his latest Muppets project (yaaaay).  It was just work, and a couple of attempts to get drunk.  The latter was a failure, but I am happy to say I managed to go on a nightout with my Finnish friend by starting it off with the uber-brilliant Let Me In and then drinks around Makati with a sweet reggae ending at the New Penguin.  I had to surrender by 2AM as I had a date with my father to watch the Pacquiao-Margarito fight at the Newport Cinemas by 10AM, a show that I was not planning to enjoy, but indeed, I did.

Now that we're done with some explanations, let's get this neurolinguistic programming thing a move on since I have probably mentioned it a month ago.  Yes, it's been too damn long, but we're doing it now, as in, right now!

So we are now on the second column which I am going to label with Traits Jason Segel Will Want in a Woman He'll Likely Want to Marry.  Ideally, the first column (which was the previous blog) should match the second, hence, Item Number One in Column One should match Item Number Two in Column Two.  But maybe that's not how it works.  Let's do a rundown instead with the obvious.

Jason Segel is 30 years old.  He lives in California, USA.  He is an actor, musician, scriptwriter.  He is very talented.  He is a celebrity.  He's friends with Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen, Jude Apatow, and those string of, well, guys who are known as the today's Hollywood Bratpack.  Or Ratpack.  Whatever.  You know, that group held by their, uh, "seniors" i.e. Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler, the Wilson Brothers, etc.  He stands six feet four.  He plays basketball, or at least played basketball.  He's rich and famous.  He loves puppets.  He most likely likes classic rock, maybe some reggae, and yes, the Swell Season.  He writes songs.  The local promo of How I Met Your Mother dubs his character Marshall Eriksen as the "Gentle Giant" (like a butanding?  Hahaha).  Anyway, that's all I know.  Maybe it's safe to say that he is a nice guy, maybe not into (too much) drugs, but he probably parties.  I remember a rumor from a while ago involving him with Lindsay Lohan (WHAT THE FUCK?).

So based on these, what can a guy like this want in a woman?  Hmmm.

Okay, I am going to do my best.

I think it is a given that his eyes will drift towards girl who are also in his world.  You know, like actresses, celebrities, models, singers.  He will probably want a tall girl or just someone who will not look like a midget beside him.  The girl has to understand his life and his celebrity, hence, the girl needs to be in that world OR someone who will NOT nag him about rumors, his busy schedule, his partying, the girls that throw their used thongs at him, etc.  That sort.  Maybe we can also say that he might like someone who appreciates some sport, maybe basketball.  Someone who appreciates his likes.  Someone who will accept his puppets.  Someone who will not get jealous of his Bromances.

Alright, these are assumptions but they are valid.  I don't know what his world is like, but based on the showbiz world here (which is pretty, uhm...), a few episodes of Entourage (haha) and TMZ (yeah, I LOVE TMZ), and the fact that I am NOT stupid, he is not just any regular guy.  But this is what we all have: assumptions.  I know someone who used to work in Hollywood who eventually left the industry because he could no longer take it.  When I was asking him general production questions, his first question was, "Do you have the stomach for it?"  I know I am not made for Hollywood, and I actually HATE the mechanisms of the local industry, so I guess I am going to have to root my own assumptions based on the idea that Jason Segel is just a regular guy who lives in a non-regular world.

I know.  Like in that movie.  What's that called?  Camp Rock?

I can make assumptions based on instinct, in those moments you see the person based on many composites.  What I do know is that Jason Segel (I hope) is not cookie cutter Hollywood.  He is having a great time, and he is a lucky guy to be doing what he loves.

I think Jason Segel will fall in-love with a girl who is smart but not crazy intelligent.  Someone who appreciates the irony and the humor in his works.  Maybe someone who has a bit of talent, maybe in the arts.  Or someone who has the appreciation for the arts, but not threatening enough that the Muppets will seem too kitschy.  A girl with certain eccentricities who is strongheaded enough to tell him what to do.  Someone who will surprise him with Rush songs or Swell Season songs or Bob Marley songs or maybe some Led Zep.  Maybe the girl plays the guitar and together they get to sing a song (hahahaha).  This girl is funny and can hold herself around his boyfriends.

Alright, above all, the most important thing about this girl is ---- she is someone he knows.  Or someone will know.  I mean, heck, if the girl of his dreams lives in some mountain community in Central Asia, it's kinda pointless that she exists in that context and he does not know about her?

Talk about ending up with the 100%-t Perfect Girl!

So anyway, my second column is quite obscure, but I think this is foundation enough for me to build on Column Three which is... What I Must Do To End Up Marrying Jason Segel That Does Not Involve Killing the Girl He Will Likely Want to Marry.  Strategy, strategy!

Alright, I'm off to bed as it's midnight and... I still have so much work to do tomorrow (UGH).

Neurolinguistic Programming Jason Segel - Part Two

And so this goes.

Let me begin this entry by giving a brief review. About two or three posts ago, I talked about neurolinguistic programming, also known as NLP. I also mentioned how I got introduced to NLP, not by any scientific resource but through this fortune teller who probably took pity on me as it seemed I could not get myself a chap. And so he told me what I should do. So ta-da, neurolinguistic programming.

As my blogging know-how is limited to very basic functions, obviously I cannot do the NLP table the said fortune teller told me to execute. And as I do not want to go through the process of scanning this handwritten document I have just finished (oh man), I guess this NLP entry will just have to go on for three more parts, for columns one, two and three.

The first column is tricky as I am supposed to write down what I want in a guy, whether this guy is Jason Segel or not. But since, through this blog, I am in this quest of eventually marrying Jason Segel, well, I guess I'll just have to put down stuff I LOVE about him!

However, it's quite corny to write down --- AGAIN --- what I love about this guy. I am not a psycho-fan, I am a woman who has come to this point, after a series of MISSES when it comes to men, of realizing that hey, these standards are bullshit. This guy makes me feel warm in a Stevie Wonder-you-make-me-smile-you-make-me-sing kind of way.

So instead of writing it down, I have decided to post this instead, which pretty much summarizes a lot of things. And this video actually finally DID IT.



Now the next step is to figure out what kind of woman this kind of guy would go for.

I think this is going to be the hardest part.

AND BY THE WAY I LOVE SWELL SEASON!! Glen Hasard rules!!!

In Response to Seven Things You Don't Know About Jason Segel

Watching this reminded me of that particular time I fell really in-love for the first time. It was the movie kind. The guy was walking towards me. It was late afternoon. The sun shone weirdly on him. And something I could not explain happened: I fell in-love. Just like that. The moment was irrational. I did not choose it to happen. All of a sudden everything made sense, those small things that took place that would finally lead me to that particular moment of realization when it dawned on me, hey, this is love.

But that was back in the 90s, and the other day my aunt found a single white hair attached to my scalp. Yes, I am getting old --- just like you and the rest of the population. We are just on our different stages of evolution, and I am in this stage where a significant amount of stress no longer leads to a drunken nightout but to an instant growth of white hair.

In that case, can I still believe in something that is irrational?

I am quite surprised that well --- I am flustered. I do like this guy. I really do. I can probably talk to him about everything and nothing, explore that puzzle of nothingness in everything, and the everything in nothing. I haven't smiled this long about a boy in a verrry long time.

*Okay, I gotta warn you, I am writing this with hearts as my pupils in a cartoony fashion ala Helga in Hey Arnold!*

What I like about this interview is that Jason Segel mentioned his supposed flaws which kinda makes him, say, a geek and a freak. A six-foot four Jewish guy in a Christian school who knows all things Muppets. This is incredible. If I was sixteen, I would be curious. Now that I am reaching the age times two of that, I am not only curious, I want to know this person.

I just thought it's interesting he "lost" one of his best friends to med school. I went through the very same thing, and I am kinda getting through that. It was quite tough one for me. Obviously it was tough for him as well; putting it up along with the seven things somehow makes it more trivial. Maybe I'll suggest we form a support system for people who feel abandoned as their friends left for med school. Create a slogan that goes, MED SCHOOL AIN'T GREY'S ANATOMY.

And oh, the puppet room. How Being John Malkovich! Maybe his favorite hobby is Being John Malkovich-ing which most of us can only dream about.

So what do I think about puppets? Don't I find a puppet collector creepy? Well. I carry a miniature action figure in my purse. Are we talking creepy yet? C'est normale!

Oh well, gotta cut this short. Back to working on that script-thang. I am not even supposed to be making an entry here, but this sudden need for inspiration led me to a crushee instead of me becoming the crusher.

At least I am starting to pick up clues that I can use for the proper neurolinguistic programming session!

Weekly Random Quote

I admit.  I still read horoscopes.  I picked up the habit as a kid because I liked to pretend I was really reading the newspapers (particularly that "proper" tabloid Tempo... is Tempo still alive?).  But of course, I would mostly skip to the middle spreadsheet, or whatever you properly call it, and ta-da --- the Entertainment section.  It was the 80s and at that time the movie trend called ST (sex trip) was fast emerging.  So as a seven or eight year-old, garbed up in my Catholic school uniform, after I buttered my toast and had a sip of Milo, I would pretend to be an adult in a company of adults, take the daily Tempo, and opened it exactly at the entertainment section where sexy pictures of Gretchen Baretto, Alma Moreno, Vivian Velez, etc. would flash me with their "hellos" almost hanging out to bid me good morning.

Anyway.  The comic strip was a standard visitation, but as I am talking about Tempo I am referring to tabloid-type of comics where there were actually illustrations of semi-naked women moving about in their pretty graphic world of abuse, revenge, and any classic nasty telenovela content.  I can still remember that particular strip called "Gomorrah" about this girl with very long hair... and her hair is actually alive!  And every time somebody rapes her or abuses her or robs her, the hair goes "hikhikhikhikhik" and starts killing the rapist/abuser/criminal through strangulation!

So after my daily dose of Gomorrah, I would go to the lighter side of my morning adult ritual and read my horoscope.  I was looking forward to pick up clues whether I would pass a quiz, meet a cute guy, or have my crush notice me; actually, these "picking up clues" taught me how to read between the lines, thus my reading comprehension was actually developing impressively as I read what was in store for Aries in the year 1987. Such a delightful habit, don't you think?

Well, I am not sure if Jason Segel is the type of guy who reads his horoscope, and as I gave up fortune telling years ago (oh my past is so interesting), I have decided to give him a weekly random quote instead.  It does not have to function as a fortune, but maybe some food for thought, some source of inspiration, some source of joy and laughter in a "you're crazy!" sense, mwahahahahaha.

Brilliant, innit?!

Acutally, Jason Segel is not my first recipient to this random quote thing.  This idea is from my idea with a different recipient, say, about a couple of months ago.  And as I am a sucker for random quotes or excerpts, I thought, what they hey, I HAVE NOT DONE THAT NEUROLINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING BIT LET'S DISTRACT OUR READERS, SHALL WE???!!!

Alrighty then.

I decided to get my first random quote for Jason Segel from Nick Hornby's About a Boy mainly because --- that's the nearest book I can get my hands on.  It was actually wedged between the linings of the couch, and as I am writing tonight and I am at my parents', I assumed my sister Lei is reading it again and thus she hid it from my nephew who was probably in a tearing-the-pages-of-a-book spree earlier today.  Or something.  And yeah, another reason is it's a good book, and I loved the movie.  You know --- Hugh Grant, that adorable kid, Toni Collette, Rachel Weisz, great story, creative directing, and set against the lovely music of Badly Drawn Boy.

And please do take note, random quotes work when you just randomly pick up something from somewhere, totally unplanned.  So, this excerpt is the page where I accidentally opened to.  And as I have just finished reading the passage, well, I have no idea what the hey.

So Jason Segel, wherever you are, here's a random quote for you from About a Boy ---

November the nineteenth.  November the fucking nineteenth.  That was definitely a new record, Will noted darkly.  Last year it had been November the fucking twenty-sixth.  He hadn't made it through December for years now; he could see that when he was fifty or sixty he'd be hearing his first rendition of Santa's Super Sleigh in July or August.  This year it was a busker at the bottom of the escalator at Angel station, a cheerful attractive young woman with a violin who was obviously trying to supplement her music scholarship.  Will scowled at her with all the hatred he could muster, a look intended to convey not only that he wouldn't be giving her any money, but that he would like to smash up her instrument and then staple her head to the escalator steps.

I can't help but think, uh, it's quite unfriendly isn't it?  I mean, the passage.  Someone who hates Christmas. Stapling someone's head to the escalator after some episode of violin-smashing.  And it's quite interesting too --- there are dates.  Hahahahahaha.

Okay, I don't want to "read between the lines" and see how it works with respect to Jason Segel. Maybe the reason I opened the book to this page is that this can actually attract people to pick up a book and start reading again, similar to the so-called Harry Potter effect. (And please, don't ever mention Twilight as I think the only thing those books influenced is this silly vampire craze and silly Team Edward/Jacob insanity).



To wrap up this week's random quote, let me stir up my inner DJ and give you Badly Drawn Boy's "Something to Talk About"... which I have been quite singing about a boy.

Halloween Weekend Playlist for Jason Segel

And so it is a Halloweenn Weekend!

Last night was quite, uhm, normal.  Met up with my friend whom I haven't seen in a month, went to a couple of bars (the New Penguin hey!), and then a Halloween-ish thing happened --- we got lost.  And what I mean by lost it involved going around in circles and eventually discovering, "Ay, may hotel pala dito sa Pateros".  Yep, we discovered, amazingly, that there's a hotel in Pateros while we were on our way to Taguig.  Go figure.

I was driving and oddly enough the streets were too dark.  Or I just decided to take us to the ends of J.P. Rizal (I was curious), and refused to take Kalayaan, and --- alas! --- we discovered that there's a decent-looking hotel in Pateros!

Okay, so other than the getting lost bit my friend and I went to his apartment to pick up a small pile of DVDs I should seriously start watching by next week: Days of Being Wild, The Class, the first film directed by John Krasinski, and a couple of "tastefully" made local titillating films: Tuhog and Salawahan.  And then we drove back to Makati Avenue to have Healthy Burgers with Cheese at the WG Diner, that place just adjacent to the A.Venue compound where the Cream Halloween Ball was taking place and that GODAWFUL videoke place which basically ruins the sanity of those who are hanging out around the area.  Seriously?  Very bad, peria-like singing from yuppies which echoes as far as a two-kilometer radius?  That place will drive customers out of A.Venue, and even Makati Avenue!

So anyway.  As I woke up sans hangover and still full from those healthy burgers, I thought of those scenes in movies where somebody digs up from a pile/library of records, discs, books, and etc., pulls out of a couple of objects, holds them up, and says, "Here, this will change your life".  Like in Almost Famous, those scenes with Lester Bangs and the one with his sister Anita.

Since it's a weekend --- and I haven't done my NLP assignment yet --- I thought of doing something similar to Jason Segel.  Call it pretending to have those Almost Famous moments with him.  Or that part from last night when my friend selected from his DVDs which ones I should watch because they're brilliant, and which one I should watch because it's simply "pathetic", as he stressed in his typical, lovely drama queen fashion.

And the list goes ---

Movies to Watch

1) Drag Me to Hell - what can I say?  Star Movies (or was it HBO) has been showing this, uh, hilarious film last week.  It's just a ride watching this, and although it can be scary, it's just hilarious.  A seriously entertaining watch.  And Justin Long and Allison Lohman are generally likable.

2) The Exorcist, Poltergeist, Nightmare on Elm Street - you cannot deny classics this particular weekend.

3) The Others - an incredible, incredible movie.  For me it beats The Sixth Sense.

4) Chocolat - because it's just delightful, wink wink.

Music

1) Beck's One Foot in the Grave - it's tumbleweeds, cowboy hats, and being on an acid trip.  Makes you want to role play, which is pretty appropriate for halloween.  Favorite line from this album via the track "Girl of My Dreams": You're just the girl of my dreams but it seems my dreams never come true.  How fitting.

2) Elliott Smith's Either/Or - great music to think about, uh, death.  Just a generally amazing album, from an amazing artist.  Rest in Peace Elliott Smith.

3) Jeff Buckley - I don't need to explain.  Go Grace.  Stop me before I add another dead artist to the list.

4) Air's Moon Safari - just some mood music, that coffee you sniff before smelling another scent, the light sorbet before the third course.

Reading

1) Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas - oh you know, just some light reading.  Klosterman is the literary rock n' rollah.

2) It's A Mystery Charlie Brown  by Charles M. Schulz - Aaawwww.  Save these Charlie Brown/Peanuts/Snookpy books for Christmas as well.



I do think that these stuff would interest Jason Segel.  It's not glamrock nor classic rock, but hey, I wouldn't be surprised if he mourned the deaths of Elliott Smith and Jeff Buckley.  And Charles M. Schulz.  He's a funny guy, and well, probably with an impeccable taste!

I guess this is the point of any art.  You share what you appreciate and open up other people's perceptions and tastes.  To be honest I managed to finally move on from 90s rock and that period of musical limbo at the turn of the new millennium when a friend of mine made me mixed CDs of indie music, i.e. Stars, Broken Social Scene, etc. Coming up with lists such as this becomes a venue of sharing and a discussion of certain treasures, if they're not yet found.

As for my weekend, I have some very important writing to do which is VERY exciting.  I am writing a feature to help a friend win this filmmaking grant.  YEHEEEYY!  Back to my heaven.  And as for my watching list, I think I'll watch a very appropriate film  my friend reunited me with as a reference for the work I am doing: Youjiro Takita's Departures.  With Dutch subtitles.

Pre-programming

In the last episode of this blog ---

I mentioned about NLP or neurolinguistic programming, which a fortune-teller taught me years ago.  I admit I tried doing it, but it somehow became a pain.  In a way, it felt impossible that the "guy I want" exists out there.  I mean, at that time I wanted a piano-playing lawyer who is above six feet tall.  It's not like I had impossible standards (though some of my friends would say otherwise), but those preferences do not have to be literal. Though I did ask my dates in the past if they could play the piano (hahaha).

What I meant by a piano-playing lawyer is, well, I want someone who has an amazing talent, someone who can intellectually stimulate me (and in other areas as well), and someone who is bigger than me --- not big, but someone I look up to, admire, etc.  But of course, over time those standards changed.

I guess --- and this is a pretty recent, uh, awareness --- Jason Segel is the closest thing to a piano-playing lawyer who is above six feet.  Well, fine, he's not a lawyer but he plays one, alright?  And I can tell he's a smart guy.  He may not know where on earth Timbuktu is --- but maybe he can give an elaborate explanation as to how the Mayan calendar works!

At the end of the day, I just want to be with a great guy who makes me laugh, someone I can talk with --- you know, the male-female dynamics is not that complicated, really.  You meet someone, you hit it off, you fall in-love.  And then you get to WORK.  Yes, it is work.  You make sacrifices.  You make time.  You patch things up.  You try not to piss each other off.  You ask for forgiveness.  You forgive.  You say what you mean. You mean what you say.

Keeping things alive is not easy, but it is something you choose to make.  Otherwise you will lose it.  And don't complain if you do.

Alright! Now that the ranting is out of the way ---

I think it is going to be tricky putting together the First Column because I do not know Jason Segel.  I mean, I know bits and pieces via Wikipedia, but that 's it.  I can just assume.  Hence, based on certain assumptions (i.e. he writes all these lovely soundtracks hence he must have an appreciation for theater and musicals) I can make intelligent assumptions for the Second Column.  And then the analysis is going to show up in the third.

I think the Third Column is going to be so much fun!

Mind you --- the Third Column is not about not being myself.  It's more of about having an open mind.  So I get to learn new things.  For instance, in I Love You, Man he's a Rush fan; I'd assume that Jason Segel at least likes Rush.  I have heard of Rush, but my rock n'roll appreciation is mostly concentrated on the 90s and not so much on the 70s/80s.  So this will open up new worlds for me!

Exciting, innit?

Well. I hope I'll get to work on the columns in a day or two.  It's just that at the moment I am a bit busy, and can only spare less than an hour on this blog today.

Alrighty then!

Neurolinguistic Programming Jason Segel - Part One

Have you heard of NLP?  Or have been at least tagged on Facebook for some strange NLP event?  Are you intrigued with this scientific-sounding, uber-sophisticated term?  Neuro --- brain.  Linguistic --- language.  Programming --- er, computers?  Brain language computers.  Very high-tech.

I was actually introduced to NLP by a fortune teller.

*enter flashback music*

My friend Chin told me about this Psychic Fair in Eastwood a few years ago, during the time the term "psychic" meant how "promo" means to me now.  So I went to the Psychic Fair... not with Chin, I think, but with Liz.  Or maybe it was the second Psychic Fair that Liz tagged along, or was it the first Psychic Fair that the fortune teller lady gave me a magic mantra and free precious stones to boot, and I was with Chin at that time?  Hmm.  Anyway, I forget.

So!

It was actually a male psychic I ended up with because I chose him from a menu of psychics available that night --- which basically shows that even at the event of having your fortune told everything is still up to your decision.  As it was a few years ago, I really can't remember my fortune, but I probably opened up to him via a tirade of expressed frustrations: Am I going to travel overseas?  Will I ever have my dream job?  Will I ever meet Michael Vartan?  Will I ever find true love?

Well, he read my cards, and for some reason, he discussed neurolinguistic programming.  And as I had too much questions, he only remembered the most recent one, and that was, Will I ever find true love?  He then told me, Here's what you should do.

I was already liking this psychic.  At last, someone was not just giving me an "intelligent" guess, someone was telling me what to do!

*break music!*

As I am "scheming" to eventually marry Jason Segel, I have been thinking how to pull it off.  I mentioned in my last entry that I had no idea what to write, which also means I didn't know what to do.  And as I need to know what to do, and the last I checked Chowking did not have any fortune cookies available, I suddenly remembered this particular fortune teller!

And this particular fortune teller told me how to get someone I want!

*continue flashback music*

So this psychic told me to get a piece of paper ... I didn't have one.  So he told me he'd give me a piece of paper.  Check, piece of paper!  And he told me to make three columns from that piece of paper. I didn't have a pen so I started folding the bond paper.  Three columns, check!  And then he told me to write the first heading: Traits of the Guy I Want to Marry.  I didn't have a pen so I absorbed everything he said.  Afterwards, he told me to write the heading of the second column: the Traits of the Girl This Particular Guy Would Want to Marry.  And so he explained.  And the last column... I really can't remember now, because I didn't have a pen and it was so long ago and I was already thinking answers and all, but I think it has something to do with What I Must Do To End Up Marrying That Guy That Will Not Include Killing the Girl the Guy I Want to Marry Will Likely Want to Marry.  Something like that.

I was so amazed with the idea that I never got around doing it because I did not want to lose the amazement!  I had not heard of neurolinguistic programming before!  And I have no idea if this process is indeed part of NLP!

So.  Since I have no idea how to actually execute this process of marrying Jason Segel, well, I guess I need to sit down and actually do that three-column list.  I guess that is the first logical step.

And that's the second part of this entry that I will be writing about as I am just about to hunt for that piece of paper.  And a pen that does not poop.

The calming before the stormy

Obviously, I gave it a few days before making another entry.  I did think about it.  I have been a lousy blogger in the past few years, as compared to my "golden age" of blogging more than five years ago.  At that time I had so much to say.  I'd write about anything.  So many thoughts.  Maybe it was because I was younger and less jaded.

But I guess I just got tired of blogging because, really, I found that I was still writing about the same old things.  Like finding love and the entire crap that comes with it!!!

Well, one of the things I enjoyed about blogging before was that writing gave me the chance to play with humor.  See, I can be funny, BUT --- I can be too serious too.  I guess that's what attracted me to Jason Segel in the first place; so far, he's played characters I fully understand.  Funny, charming, a bit of a dork, potential loser, but really substantial deep down.  And I can assure you, even though I know that he is a good actor, there is a significant amount of the real Jason Segel in those characters.  I kinda have a theory, but this is something I am keeping to myself.  To give you a clue, he wrote Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  There you go.

And like I mentioned before, this infatuation with Jason Segel is pretty recent.  As in, say, like, two weeks ago.  Or the week before the week before.  You know.  That week HBO was airing I Love You Man, like THREE FUCKING TIMES A DAY.

To narrate in the voice of That-Older-Ted in How I Met Your Mother, I was having a pretty lousy week.  October was turning out to be a pretty awful month, career-wise.  So I got into doing this shitty projects that particular week.  So as I was getting my shit together (which is still a big FAIL at this point), I decided to go on isolation and just worked.  The thing is, you can't solve a shitty situation with a shitty solution, right, but desperate conditions call for drastic measures.

So in order for me to breathe from the stink (man, was I feeling really screwed that week), I turned on the television.  And there it was.  I saw I Love You, Man Monday.  And then Tuesday morning, Tuesday evening.  Wednesday afternoon.  And so on.

See,  every time I saw I Love You, Man on HBO that week I dropped everything I was doing and watched it.  To be honest, I don't think I ever saw it in its entirety in one sitting, but still, I saw it more than five times in five straight days.

And yeah, I thought Jason Segel was adorable in the movie.  I like his comedy.  But see, I like other people's approach to humor as well, and I don't go around setting up blogs scheming-schmanning some off proposal.  I mean, like Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller.  And Steve Carrell.  And the Monty Python guys.  You know.

And to be honest, I've had celebrity crushes before who are waay gorgeous than Jason Segel.  Michael Vartan.  And Alexander Skarsgard.  Seriously!

If anything, it's like a movie.

Jason Segel reminded me of someone.  I usually associate him with the character Marshall and didn't even know his name was Jason Segel.  And I don't even watch How I Met Your Mother that regularly.  But I knew Marshall and this person who kinda reminded me of Marshall who was (is) important to me.  Eventually, I was watching Sarah Marshall and a bit of How I Met Your Mother, and I did not want to eat my head.  As time does heal, I stopped seeing that other person in Jason Segel, and started seeing Jason Segel.  And it was in that movie where he looked the slobbiest of all, in all his Bromance glory that I realized, "Yeah, hit it Steve Dunne, whatdidyasay again re: Linda Powell?  Oh right.  If I had a conversation with God I would ask him to create this girl.  This guy. Right on, rock n' roll."

See?  Like a movie.

Anyway.  To be honest I am a bit stumped at this point as to the "outline" of this blog.  But I did think of, say, an episode to keep this thing going.  As  I love Top Chef and I love to cook, so --- I will post dishes I personally created which are inspired by the characters played by Jason Segel.  I think by next week I would already concoct something.

I have some chicken breast fillets in the freezer.

Answering questions that need to be answered

So the first question comes to mind can be summarized with W-T-F???!!!  with an endless line of exclamation marks trailing the F, which, in real life, is pretty typical.

As of typing this, Nick Jr is airing that male Dora counterpart, Diego, and I guess it was that commercial for that uber-weird Yogabbagabba that the idea dawned on me.

But see, ideas are not just ideas.  You see, many artists --- writers, filmmakers, musicians, etc. --- are constantly asked, "Where do you get our ideas?  What's your inspiration?".  Jessica Zafra, whom I read A LOT back in college (which seems like a galaxy far away), addressed this question and wrote that her main intention was world domination, with a nyahahahahaha following the statement in Jessica Zafra fashion.

So basically, where'd you get The Idea?  

The idea is --- blog about the PROCESS that needs to be undertaken in order to end up marrying Jason Segel.  Why on earth did I think of that?  What drove me to even think that I should blog about the steps I need to take so that I'll end up becoming Mrs Jason Jordan Segel?  Oh, yeah, and just so to be clear (and I am addressing the universe here), I am referring to the actor, musician, writer, etc. Jason Segel of How I Met Your Mother, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and I Love You, Man.  So no Jason Segel of any other sort, yeah?

See, ideas are strange.  Let's take a few steps back, the minutes leading to this particular point of revelation which could change my life.

I am currently in between projects, and as I have slacked off the last few days, I am now in a frantic mode.  So I have been looking for projects, marketing myself, trying to write an article which can lead me to a better writing job, etc.  My 2 year-old nephew, in order to have him settle and stop running around looking for his Benten collectibles, had to be restrained hence he was sent to the couch with a bottle of milk, his security blanket, and the Power to the Remote Control.  Prior to that I was watching Australia's Next Top Model, but for some strange reason, Star World disappeared and was replaced by that lovely Korean channel, Arirang.  I surfed channels for a bit and nothing really took my interest, not even CNN (which was focusing on the American Politics Situation).  And so I kinda "bribed" my nephew to keep quiet and told him, "Fine, let's watch Nick Jr" at which point he kicked me out of the couch and reminded me that I have work to do by finding work (the latter was actually me reminding myself).

And as I was writing emails, checking out my website, looking for project listings, The Backyardigans started playing on the tube and I thought, "These characters are so weird".  And then I corrected my thought as I realized it was Yogabbagabba that was weirder.  And for some reason, I was reminded of Michael Vartan.

See, thoughts can be so strange.  

I am going to discuss Michael Vartan in my next entries, but the thing is, it was after the nanosecond image of Michael Vartan in my head that I remembered, I WANT TO MARRY JASON SEGEL.

So.  The Questions.

1) Do I really want to marry Jason Segel?

Let's say I am in this stage of absorbing things, and using these things I really absorbed has become a means for me to express myself.  What I am saying is, if I can't think of an answer, I have the tendency to quote things which is either brilliant or a display of (faux) smarts.

I am not going to share now the history of my infatuation with Jason Segel (which is VERY recent, but my "awareness" kinda dates back, say, early this year), but to answer the question, I am quoting this line from one of my favorite movies of all time, Cameron Crowe's Singles.

"If I had a conversation with God, I'd ask him to create this guy (girl)".

That line actually flashed in my head whilst watching Jason Segel doing the crazy, Rushed ax-man in I Love You, Man on HBO, for the nth time, last week.  You know HBO.  It's not just TV.

Let's be realistic. I don't know if I really want to marry Jason Segel, I just think he's brilliant.  But of course, as I think he's brilliant, I would like to get to know him and that's the ONLY way I'll know if I really want to marry him.  

2) If you're not sure you really want to marry Jason Segel, why write about the ways HOW to marry him?

Ooh, I am probably going to give the corniest answer: inspiration.

Let me put it this way, as I get going with this thing, I am probably going to pull some miracles out of my ass.  So this is not just a blog about me "being inspired" by Jason Segel.  I am going to establish goals.

If I am not going to marry him, I would at least like a true date.  Not just dinner; a real date, something to the effect of, "Hey, let me show you the secret room in my secret room of puppets while some string quartet play Pachelbel in the hallway".

And by the way, as I live in Manila, and it can be a nightmarish situation to get a U.S. visa, this is going to be quite a task.

3) Are you a stalker?  Or just completely insane?

I have never stalked anyone, and I have no intention of becoming one EVER.  Well, okay WE ALL have had stalker moments, but like most people,  it's pretty juvenile.  And I find the least insanity in my own madness, but I am not even borderline.  

Hey.  I am just a normal fan.  Who wants to make use of this energy into something useful.

4) Why blog about it?  Can't you just keep it to yourself?

Well, how else will Jason Segel ever realize that I exist?

I know, I know.  There are several fan pages out there, and some can be pretty psychotic.  I am approaching this in the most logical, effective manner possible.  

Besides, blogging this keeps track of my progress.

5) What if you suddenly meet someone else?  And this someone else is the one you really want to marry?  And then you guys fall in-love, etc.?

You mean, like in the movies?

6) Okay, so humor me.  How are you going to marry Jason Segel?

Let's find out, shall we?

7) Seriously.

Seriously.

8) You're crazy.

I just realized that I talk to myself a lot in a Pete Bretter manner.  And I have had weeping moments getting over ex-s, i.e. while cooking, stalking an ex's Facebook page, in Pete Bretter fashion.  

Maybe I should just marry Pete Bretter.