Seven Comma Seven Seven Seven

As of typing this, about 7,777 souls have wandered into --- or stumbled upon --- this blog, mostly as a result of the queries "Is Jason Segel married?", "Where does Jason Segel live?",  "Jason Segel girlfriend 2012", "Is Jason Segel sleeping with anyone?", and its many other variations.

The spike and the constant traffic to this small blog --- which was initially established to come up with means on how to end up marrying Jason Segel (more on my progress later) --- may be attributed to his successes.  Gee, this guy brought back The Muppets from a hiatus.  The song "Man or Muppet", which he performed with Walter, won an Oscar.  How I Met Your Mother still kicks behinds.  Oh, and of course, his movies.

In physics terms, Jason Segel is a distributed force... with his person being the center of mass.

That sounds quite geeky, but let me try this again.

In physics terms, Jason Segel is a momentum --- which really means a mass in motion, with M = m(v), m= mass, v=velocity --- and also a force that can cause change in speed, direction and shape.

But then again, he is also like liquid which is described as a substance that can take the shape of any container.

To borrow a quote from Miss Pennylane in Almost Famous, "It's (he's) happening!"

Last night I saw a mini-marathon of How I Met Your Mother on Star World and I could not believe that the gentle Marshall Eriksen is played by a guy who also played someone who had a jerk-off station.  This same guy also went full monty in all his frontal glory, showed some male sensitivity that women look for (aka... crying while writing a song?), and also bent six ways just to bring back a bunch of puppets that mostly Gen Y-ers and Gen X-ers will appreciate.

I mean, seriously, this small blog reached 7777 because people want to know who Jason Segel is.

And as fans --- or psychos who are probably plotting to kidnap him for some shotgun wedding --- we are curious what makes Jason Segel, this (non)leading leading man, a real-life, say, creature.

As for my progress in this quest, well, I am planning to drop by LA again in the future.  Hopefully this year.  Maybe I'll stay there for a week; if life allows it, I'll hang around for a month.  And then we will have some miracles reign, I mean, rain.

Man or Muppet --- or Conchord

SO HAPPY that Bret McKenzie won an Oscar for "Man or Muppet"!  And yay for Jason Segel and Walter!

As I haven't seen The Muppets (oh my gosh, aren't they supposed to show it here this February?!!!), I was quite pleased to find out that effin' Bret of Flight of the Conchords contributed to the musical genius of this movie.

I love, love Flight of the Conchords and it broke my heart when they decided to leave everyone hanging after two lovely seasons.  Actually, after seeing Jason Segel and Walter's "Man or Muppet" on thankYouTube, I immediately thought that Jason Segel would fit in perfectly as a character in Flight of the Conchords.  Maybe like a bum or a frat boy or those guys in How to Make it in America.

Interestingly, I also noticed a significant spike of traffic to this blog.  Oh well.  What can you do?  A lot of people want to marry Jason Segel.

But in order for me to edge in this competition --- ahem --- I am going to have to serenade Jason Segel via a brilliant performance by my dream buddies Jermaine and Bret.  This is kinda a daydream, maybe Jason Segel and Walter singing this song to me.  Or me and Walter singing this song to Jason Segel.

Well why not ---

If it's cool with you, I'll let you get naked too.  It could be a dream come true.  Provided that's what you are into.

Ah,  this is a perfect addition to the original soundtrack of How to Marry Jason Segel.

I am going to have to think about that "double-team" thing though.  Let's see, shall we?

How to Sleep With Jason Segel

I can't help it.  I am going to have to spill the beans and let this out.  I am online and there are things I gotta share.

I have just found out that a certain search query led to this blog: how to sleep with Jason Segel.

As I have claimed the Blogger blog title "How toMarry Jason Segel" (which turns out to be a regular query for this blog traffic --- ooh, I have fans?), maybe a primer on "How to Sleep With Jason Segel" is in order.

So let us do this.  How do you sleep with The Jason Segel?

1. Come up with a Jason Segel Seduction Plan.  Maybe you can try bribing? (not him)
2. Lure Jason Segel into a feasible space where you can "sleep with" him.  Decide whether the feasibility is horizontal, vertical, diagonal, etc.
3. Wear your birthday suit --- the one you wore last year.
4. Make sure he wears his too; it would be way nicer if he suits up though, of course.  Remember Barney Stinson's suit pajamas? I'm kidding.
5. If you do not know what happens next, I suggest you pick up a nice copy of an "intellectual" or DIY "erotic" book before Step One: The Joy of Sex for the classics, Anais Nin's Delta of Venus if you feel like a literary snob.  No, I haven't read The Joy of Sex but I remember that book from a Doogie Howser M.D. episode, the one where Doogie and Wanda are planning to do the deed.  As for Delta of Venus, yes, I have read that one --- during those early years I was a horny literary snob.
6. Ask for his number.
  6a. If Jason Segel gives you his number, good jab!  I mean, good job!
  6b. If Jason Segel does not give you his number, tell him you know a lawyer called Harvey.
7. Give your number to Jason Segel.
  7a. If he accepts your number, tell him, "Call me!"
  7b. If he does not accept your number and you fall under 6a, tell him, "I'll call you mwahahaha"
  7c. If he does not accept your number and you fall under 6b, tell him, "I know Harvey and that girl Justin Bieber got pregnant, mwahahahaha"
8. Leave me a message; I will either:
  8a. Congratulate you
  8b. Hunt you down
  8c. Haunt you down

Now you know how to sleep with Jason Segel.  How to meet him --- well, it's OUR problem!

Have an incredible Valentine's Week, you saucy minxeses.

A Jason Segel Valentine Week

So that day comes around that dreadful corner again, and girls and boys are pimping up to secure a warm body come Valentine's Tuesday.  But seriously --- why force a date out of someone if you can watch a tall and lanky teen-age Jason Segel trying to get it on with... his ex-girlfriend?

Well.  A nice date would be nicer, but Nick, in this clip, sets a standard as to how high a giggle meter should be like:

How sweet and awkward, as real life is.

Jason Segel, marry me.

Happy Birthday Mr Segel

Oh no, Competition!!!

Huh.  So I just happened to be on Twitter the moment Jason Segel twitted that he found this YouTube video adorable:

A girl singing a song she composed (?) about Jason Segel.  Oh Jason Segel you're the ring to my Smeagel?  Oh Jason Segel did I mention that I'm single?  Is this one of those things where somebody posts a YouTube video asking (begging) their celebrity crush to take them out on a date to, say, the Prom or their pet chicken's wedding to the neighborhood's bitch (female dog, aye)?

COMPETITION!

Drat.  Jason Segel tweeted that response is on the way.  They'll probably end up on TMZ!  On a date!  MyGas!

Geez, this blog has existed for more than a year and I haven't heard a single --- as we say it here in the Philippines, ni- ha, ni- ho (neither "ha" nor "ho")?

But I'm a good... sport.  I shall just take this in stride but I gotta scheme some more.

Now I shall look for that bloody guitar and think of words that rhyme with... with... with... Gollum.

Smeagol is now Gollum
Do you know that Jason Segel'um?

I'm brilliant.

PS - I thought the song was brilliant.  I'll probably end up singing it in the shower.  NOOOOOO!!!
PPS - It's brilliant, really :-)

Project: Meeting Jason Segel

As the year closes up and a new one closes in, I have decided to address this *thing* wherein I am going to come up with *something* to finally meet Jason Segel.  Seriously.  I can't wait for the day that I am going to finally post in this blog that I have a photo of Jason Segel and me, all chummy and cuddly, and maybe a bit giggly.  Now that would be really nice.

I remember writing a story/screenplay before about making schemes and although I am The God in such fiction I have to admit I was the one who controlled the fates of my creation.  I am my own creation, the same way my life is, but making that intersection with Jason Segel's can be quite a challenge.  Hence, the reason we are all alive and living, so to speak.

So.  The first step in the How of marrying Jason Segel is to meet him.  Last year, I had a huge problem how to get my ass to the US: no visa.  But!  This year I got mine and I was even in Los Angeles for a week-long business trip.  And as I have mentioned, I could have met Jason Segel... except that I didn't.  Anyway.

You know what they say about six degree of separation?  Well, we can use that force.  But then again, the other challenge is I do not want to seem like a sicko fan who stalks Jason Segel.  I don't even think of myself as a "fan".  I mean, I want to marry him but I am not the kind who would throw my undies at him, y'know?  Well, maybe not in a "fan" sense, haha!

Let me put it this way.  Either Jason Segel goes to me or I go to Jason Segel.  I am going to have to conspire with the universe that either those things happen.

In the meantime, 2012 is all about tenderness... according to Otis Redding.  And meeting Jason Segel is something straight out of a John Hughes design.

Have an incredibly awesome and legendary 2012!